My ex has fallen out of love.

Let’s talk about this:

I’ve been trying to win my ex back for a month now, but he keeps insisting he won’t come back. He said he already did his absolute best with me and that he gave me chances throughout our relationship. He told me to stop, to move on

When I message him, I keep blaming him, saying he must already have someone else. He says he’s alone—there’s no one—but it feels safe.Even though he’s lonely, he’s okay. He asked me to respect each other. He said he’s been hurt a lot because of me, and now he doesn’t love me like a girlfriend anymore. It’s not the same as before.

I know it’s over now, but back then I just wasn’t mature enough in love. I want to improve myself and become a better person. I still love him so much, and I keep sending him messages asking for another chance. 

I even went to his workplace because he wouldn’t reply or answer my calls, and he told me to go home. He said he already said everything, there’s nothing left to talk about, and I shouldn’t show up again because it invades his personal space.

What can I do? I feel guilty about what I did—starting arguments, being selfish. But today I truly understand the consequences of my actions. 

I want to fix what I did wrong. I never cheated. I never even thought about being with someone else the entire time we were together.

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Here’s how I see it:

Okay. Let’s talk like a friend sitting next to you—and let’s not lie to ourselves.

Right now, you’re not only “trying to get your ex back.” You’re fighting one of the most painful truths in love:

Sometimes people don’t leave because there’s someone new.
They leave because they are too tired to stay with us.

And from what you described…your ex wasn’t playing games. He was crystal clear—so clear that if “the door is closed” had a real-world sound, his words were the lock clicking shut:

• “I did my best.”

• “I gave you chances the whole time.”

• “Please stop. Move on.”

• “Let’s respect each other.”

• “I’ve been hurt a lot.”

• “I don’t love you as a girlfriend anymore.”

• “There’s nothing left to talk about.”

• “Don’t come here again—it’s invading my personal space.”

This is not testing you.
This is a breakup that is actually final.

And I’m going to say the part some friends won’t say because they don’t want to sound harsh:

1) What you’re doing right now is no longer “trying to reconcile.”

It’s starting to drift toward unintentional harassment.

I know you don’t want to hurt him.
You’re just in love, full of regret, desperate to undo the damage.
But love plus guilt can push good people into crossing lines without realizing it.

He said: “Don’t show up again.”
But you went to his workplace because he wouldn’t answer.

From your point of view: “I just wanted to talk. I wanted one more chance.”
From his point of view: “I already said no, and she won’t stop.”

If you keep pushing, it won’t bring him back.
It will make him feel more afraid, more cornered, and more determined to cut you off completely.
And the worst part is what it plants in his memory:

“She doesn’t respect the word no.”

I’m not scolding you to shame you. I’m warning you to protect you—because if you go further, this can get heavier emotionally and, in some places, legally.

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2) You asked, “What can I do?”

The truth is: you have two problems, not one.

You think the problem is: “How do I get him back?”

But the first problem you must solve is:

• How do you stop hurting him—and stop hurting yourself—by chasing?

• How do you grow up for real, not just “grow because you’re in pain,” then repeat the same cycle if he returns?

If you can’t solve problem #1, you don’t get to demand problem #2 from him—because the foundation of any “second chance” is safety.

And right now, he is telling you something brutally honest:
He feels safest when you are not near him.

That hurts.
But you have to accept it before anything can heal.

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3) A story about why he fell out of love—even though you still love him

There’s a kind of love that dies before the breakup happens.
It dies from accumulated exhaustion, not cheating.

It starts with small things one person keeps tolerating:

• frequent fights

• selfishness

• repeated accusations (“You have someone else”)

• constant demands to prove loyalty

• not respecting privacy and space

• emotional communication first, calm communication last

Early on, he may have still loved you enough to explain, negotiate, forgive.
For a while, he may have believed, “She’ll change.”
But love isn’t a battery that recharges with “I’m sorry” alone.

It recharges when new behavior shows up consistently, long enough that the other person trusts it’s real.

When someone has given many chances, and each time things return to the same pain, the brain learns this:

“My effort doesn’t change anything. I just keep getting hurt.”

That’s when the heart shuts down quietly.
And after it shuts down, no amount of pleading opens it easily.

When he says, “Being alone feels safe,” that’s not the sentence of someone who’s “just bored.”
That’s the sentence of someone who has felt emotionally unsafe in a relationship.

It sounds intense because it is.

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4) Does he have someone else?

From what you said, he clearly told you: “No. I’m alone.”
I can’t verify the truth 100% because I’m not there. But here’s the key:

Even if he did or didn’t—
it’s not the core problem.

The core problem is: he is done, and he wants space.

And this is where I need to point out your biggest self-sabotage pattern, respectfully but directly:

The mistake that’s making you lose harder: accusing him to buy yourself hope.

When we’re hurting, we want a clean, simple explanation like “He has someone else.”
Because if he has someone else, it feels like we lost to a third person—not because our relationship collapsed.

But the harsh truth is:

sometimes people don’t run toward someone new.
They run away from a relationship that hurts them.

Accusing him—when he says no—makes him feel:

“Talking to her is pointless. She doesn’t hear me.”

That shuts the door even faster.

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5) You want to fix what you did wrong—good.

But fixing yourself does not mean you are entitled to get him back.

This is adult truth:

Your growth is your responsibility.
It is not his job to return as a reward for your improvement.

Some people think: 

“If I change, he must come back.”

But that turns growth into a transaction.
And if he doesn’t come back, you’ll collapse—and chase again.

The healthier frame is:

• You grow for your life.

• If the future brings a new conversation one day, that’s a bonus—not the goal.

It sounds cold, but it’s actually real self-respect.

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6) What you can do now: a practical 30-day plan (not pretty, but it works)

Your brain is in a “withdrawal” phase. This is real.
So you need structure, not motivation quotes.

Mission 1: No Contact immediately—for at least 30 days

No texting.

No calling.

No visiting.

No “just checking.”

No lurking his socials.

No asking friends about him.

No sending gifts.

No posting things to indirectly reach him.

And listen: this is not “playing hard to get.”
It’s restoring his safety, and restoring your dignity—and preventing you from crossing lines again.

If your brain screams, “If I stop, I’m giving up,” replace it with:
“I’m stopping because I’m respecting him.”

Because he asked for one thing: respect.

Mission 2: If you haven’t sent it yet, you may send one final closure message—once

Short. Polite. No bargaining. No explaining for pages. No blaming.

Example:

“I understand. I will respect your space. From now on I won’t contact you or show up again. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable and crossing your boundaries. Thank you for everything. I wish you well.”

Send once. Then stop completely.
This is “turning off the fire,” not “adding fuel.”

Mission 3: A plan for the moments you want to reach out

Because you will have those moments—hands shaking, chest tight, desperate.

Do these four things instead:

1. Write the message in your Notes app—do not send
   
   
2. Call one trusted friend (or message me)
   
   
3. Walk for 15 minutes or take a shower to reset your body
   
   
4. Apply a strict rule: wait 24 hours before sending any message
   Most urges shrink after 24 hours, and you’ll thank yourself later.

Mission 4: Respect the boundary about physical space

He said: “Don’t come again.”

So you must promise yourself: no workplace visits, no home visits, no “accidental” encounters.

Not because you’re weak.
Because you’re becoming an adult who respects “no.”

Mission 5: Fix the root pattern, not just the breakup pain

You admitted:

• you started fights

• you were selfish

• you accused

Those are fixable—but you fix them with practice, not guilt.

Three exercises:
(A) Replace accusation with emotion language
Instead of: “You have someone else.”
Practice: “I feel insecure. I’m afraid of being abandoned. I struggle with trust when I’m anxious.”

(B) Pause before reacting
When you feel rage or panic, pause 10 seconds. Breathe. Ask:
“Do I want love, or do I want to win?”

(C) Apologize to take responsibility, not to get him back
Apologize because it’s true—without trying to buy a second chance.

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7) Your guilt can help you—or destroy you

There are two kinds of guilt:

Constructive guilt: “I will change.”
Destructive guilt: “I’m worthless, and I must get him back to erase this.”

Right now, you’re drifting toward the second one because you want to “fix it” by getting him back—like his return would clean the guilt.

Life doesn’t work like that.

Real repair looks like:

• stop crossing boundaries

• respect “no”

• change behavior consistently

• build a healthier life from here

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8) Is there any chance he comes back?

I won’t lie to you: right now, the chance is very low, because he was clear and he asked for space.
And chasing will make that chance even lower.

If there’s any chance at all, it only comes from this:

• you stop contacting for a long time

• he heals

• he sees you respect boundaries

• one day, he chooses to reopen conversation

But you cannot do No Contact as a trick to get him back.
Do it to respect him and protect yourself.

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9) If you want to do one thing “for him” right now

Do this:

Stop.

Stop to give him peace.

Stop to give yourself dignity.

Stop so this doesn’t become a deeper wound for both of you.

Sometimes love isn’t chasing.
Sometimes love is letting someone breathe.

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10) Straight summary—friend to friend

He closed the door.
You’re knocking with tears and guilt.
But the more you knock, the more locks he adds—because he’s trying to feel safe.

Your way forward is not louder knocking.
It’s stepping back—and rebuilding yourself into someone who respects boundaries and can love in a healthier way.

Today hurts because you’re facing consequences.
But this could also be the first day you truly grow up in love—
if you stop, and take responsibility like an adult.

🔑🔑🔑

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