What should I do with a woman like this?

 

Let’s talk about this:

My girlfriend and I have been having problems. Every time we argue—no matter what the issue is—she likes to send messages like “Maybe we shouldn’t be together”. She always reacts emotionally in every argument.

When we fight and we’re both at fault, I’m always the one who admits my mistakes first. As for her, she scolds me until everything becomes my fault. But when I try to talk about where she might be wrong, she tells me she can’t accept what I’m saying, insists that everything she said was right, and that she did nothing wrong.

Sometimes when I tell her that she’s being emotional, she refuses to listen to anything I say at all. Is this really what you call someone who doesn’t let emotions take over?

When we talk on Facebook, I always try to approach her gently and keep the conversation going. But she often sends messages like “Don’t message me anymore” or “You’re annoying. I’m tired. Don’t send anything else.” She does this constantly.

Lately, every time we argue, she speaks only to win. In the early days of our relationship, I always gave in to her—even when she was clearly the one at fault. But now I feel like I’ve given in too much, and maybe that’s what caused her to develop these bad habits.

Oh, and one more thing: whenever she does something wrong, she never apologizes unless the situation escalates badly. We’ve talked about this before, and she just said, “That’s just how I am. What do you expect me to do?”

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Here’s how I see it:

Okay… it sounds like you’re in a relationship that’s extremely exhausting. And not just ordinary tired—but the kind that makes you feel like, “I’m not wrong about everything, so why am I the only one getting blamed?” Right?

So let me talk about this like a friend you’re sitting with late at night—on an old sofa, next to a forgotten glass of iced coffee, hearing you sigh quietly beside me. I’m not here to judge you, and I’m not here to judge your girlfriend either. But I want to help you see both sides, as if you dragged me into the middle of one of your arguments and said:

“Look at this… Am I really wrong about everything?”

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Part 1:

“Someone who says ‘Don’t talk to me anymore’… but secretly waits for your message”

Do you know that phrases like “Maybe we shouldn’t be together” or “Don’t message me anymore” don’t always mean exactly what they say?

Sometimes, they’re the voice of someone who is shaken, exhausted, and angry—but deep down still wants you to chase them. They want to be the one who gets pursued. They don’t want to be the one who gives in first.

You might think, “She told me not to message her, so I stopped.”
But some people type those words—and then quietly wait for your message anyway.

Of course, this often turns into an exhausting game. It’s unfair when one person keeps trying to understand, while the other pushes them away every time emotions override reason.

But if you truly want to understand her, you have to see her as a human being—someone who might express pain in a clumsy, immature way. Instead of saying, “I’m hurt. I’m not okay,” she chooses to say:

“Don’t bother me anymore!”

It sounds contradictory, but humans are complicated like that.

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Part 2:

“Giving in for love—or giving in until you lose yourself?”

You said that whenever you argue, you’re always the one who gives in first.
And now you’re starting to feel like you’ve given in so much that she’s taken it for granted.

Here’s the critical question:

When you give in—are you doing it out of love, or out of fear of losing her?

Giving in out of love can feel meaningful. Even if you swallow your anger, there’s still warmth in it.

But giving in out of fear—fear that she’ll leave, fear that she won’t talk to you anymore—slowly destroys you from the inside. It’s like wearing the mask of a “good person” while your heart is quietly breaking.

You might not have realized this:

Giving in every single time is silently telling the other person,

“Even if you’re wrong, I’ll always forgive you.”

And sadly, she may truly believe that—so she no longer sees the need to apologize. Because she knows you’ll be the one to speak first anyway.

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Part 3:

“She says, ‘That’s just how I am. What do you want me to do?’”

That’s a sentence you hear very often—from people who don’t want to grow.

“That’s just how I am. What do you expect?”

It sounds honest, but in reality, it’s one of the most subtle ways to dodge responsibility.

Let me put it this way:

If you hit someone with your car and said, “That’s just how I drive. What do you want me to do?”
Do you think the world would accept that?

Of course not—because that’s behavior that needs to change.

Relationships are the same.
No one has the right to use “That’s just how I am” as an excuse to hurt someone without taking responsibility for the pain they cause.

Everyone can change—if they truly care, and if they truly want to.

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Part 4:

“Talking to win—or talking to understand?”

You said something I can’t forget:

“Lately, she always talks just to win during arguments.”

This is one of the most dangerous signs in a relationship.

Because once you feel that someone is speaking only to win—not to understand, not to resolve the problem—that’s when the relationship becomes unequal.

Arguments should end with more understanding, not with a winner and a loser.

But when a relationship turns into an emotional battlefield, nobody truly wins.
Both people get hurt—and love slowly dies, little by little.

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Part 5:

“You’re not asking her to be perfect—just willing to grow”

You’re not expecting her to never be emotional again, or to become some detached monk.

You just want her to listen sometimes.

You just want her to say “I’m sorry” before things explode.

You just want her to stop saying “Let’s break up” every time she’s upset.

You’re not asking her to erase who she is.
You’re asking her to grow enough to understand that love isn’t just about feelings—it’s about emotional maturity, and choosing to protect the person who loves you.

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Part 6:

“Sometimes… silence is the answer”

Have you ever truly stopped messaging her—exactly as she told you to?
Have you ever disappeared completely for two days without replying at all?

I don’t mean playing games. But maybe she’s grown used to the fact that you always come back.

Sometimes, what changes people more than explanations is temporary absence.

No sarcasm.

No blocking.

No passive-aggressive posts.

Just silence—so they can finally hear their own heart.

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Part 7:

“You love her—but you must love yourself too”

Ask yourself this:

Does this relationship make you someone you’re proud of?

Every time you’re blamed alone, your self-worth erodes little by little.
Every time she says “You’re annoying” or “Don’t message me again”—and you still message her anyway—you’re telling yourself that your feelings matter less than hers.

You can love her.
But if loving her makes you hate yourself in the mirror, then it’s time to stop and ask:

“Am I in love with her… or have I forgotten myself?”

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Part 8:

“If you want her to change—you have to change first”

I know you’ve tried your best. And that may be true.

But changing doesn’t mean giving in again.
It means setting boundaries.

Tell her calmly, on a day when emotions are cool:

• “I won’t accept being verbally devalued anymore—by anyone.”

• “We can talk rationally. If the conversation turns into sarcasm, I’ll step back until things cool down.”

• “I love you—but I love myself too.”

She might be shocked.
She might choose to learn.
Or she might choose to walk away.

But whatever happens, you’ll know this:

You didn’t lose her because you didn’t try.
You lost her because she wasn’t ready to grow with you.

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Part 9:

“Healthy love is not about giving in all the time”

Love doesn’t mean endless tolerance without growth.

Healthy love helps both people become better.

If you’re always the one enduring, explaining, and holding everything together—that’s not a relationship.

That’s dragging something already broken.

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Part 10:

“The final question you must ask yourself”

If you told this entire story to a close friend—without saying it was about you—and asked:

“Should I stay?”

What do you think they’d answer?

Deep down, you already know what’s fair to your heart.

And whether you choose to stay or to walk away, I hope you can be yourself—the version you’re proud of.

Not someone who keeps surrendering to “That’s just how she is.”

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Conclusion:

So what should you do with a woman like this?

Try talking honestly, on a calm day.
Tell her directly:

“We both have flaws. But I want us to grow together—not for one person to grow while the other stays the same.”

If she listens, reflects, and grows—she has the maturity to build a future.

But if all she offers is anger, sarcasm, and the same line:

“That’s just how I am.”

Then every time you get hurt, you’ll have to choose:

Stay with someone who will always be “this way”
—or let go, so you can grow.

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One last thing:

Someone who constantly makes you feel guilty will never make you feel valuable—no matter how much love you give.

You deserve a love that doesn’t need to win—
but knows how to win hearts, especially on the hardest days.

If she’s not that person, don’t force yourself to fit into a love that never truly accepted you.

I’m right here if you want to talk again—about love, or about a broken heart.

Tonight, I hope you can sleep without forcing a smile for anyone.

You’re not strange for feeling this way.
You just loved someone who never learned how to love… peacefully. 🖤

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relationship advice, emotional manipulation, unhealthy relationship, toxic communication, lack of accountability, emotional immaturity, relationship boundaries, gaslighting behavior, conflict resolution in relationships, self-worth in relationships, emotional abuse signs, relationship self-respect, breakup decision, relationship growth, loving yourself first