What should I do? A friend has been living with me for almost a year, and it’s getting unbearable.

Let’s talk about this:

Hi everyone. I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable about a friend, to the point that I want to ask for opinions.

Last year (2024), I took on a project job and had to build a new team, but I didn’t have enough people, so I invited my friend to work with me. My home is far, the office is far for both of us, and most of the work had to be done from home anyway. So I suggested that my friend come live with me. At the beginning, I told my friend they didn’t need to pay any expenses, because I knew their family had financial problems.

After that, it continued like this for almost a year. Everything in the house that we share, I’m the one who buys it all—even though my monthly expenses are already very high, higher than my friend’s income. For any spending that isn’t a fixed monthly bill, I have to take extra work just to afford it.

I’m happy to see my friend finally have a job, because before this they had been unemployed for almost 8 years. I let my friend stay in one room in my house. My friend is responsible for their own personal chores, like washing their own dishes and doing their own laundry. But everything else, my boyfriend and I handle.

The main problem is that my friend eats a lot, and weighs around 120 kg while being under 160 cm tall. That makes them slow at many things. And the worst part is the snoring. My friend snores so loudly that I’ve noticed periods where they stop breathing while sleeping. I’ve warned them about losing weight and seeing a doctor, but nothing changes.

Because their body seems abnormal, my friend is sleepy all day. They can fall asleep in just a couple of seconds while we’re talking, even while still sitting up. The whole house has become tense and uncomfortable. My younger brother doesn’t want to stay at home anymore. My boyfriend has to hide in our room because he can’t tolerate the snoring.

About expenses—my boyfriend even said that if it were him, he would offer to help, because living in someone else’s home for this long, you should contribute. But my friend has never brought it up at all. I personally feel extremely uncomfortable too—like I never truly rest, like I have no personal space of my own.

What should I do? It’s 5:30 a.m. right now, and my friend is still in the living room watching TV loudly and won’t go to sleep. 😭

Here’s how I see it:

This is not just a normal case of “a friend stayed too long.”
This is the story of someone whose heart is bigger than what one person can carry—so you’ve been carrying someone else’s weight until it overflowed.

And the moment it overflowed is today—the day you started asking:
“What should I do?”

So I’m going to walk you out of the confusion scene by scene, picture by picture. I’ll tell it in a long story voice—like the private journal entry your best friend would write for you—right here. And I’m going to say everything without lying, without fake comfort, and without making you feel guilty for something that is not your fault.

Take a deep breath—because we’re going to untangle every knot at once.

🌙 CHAPTER 1 — It started because you were “too kind for a normal human being”

Let’s go back to 2024.

That day you got an important project—big work, a new team, full responsibility. And because you didn’t have enough people, you brought in your friend.

Back then, you weren’t only helping yourself. You were helping your friend too—someone who had been unemployed for almost 8 years, someone whose life might not have known where to go next, someone you thought, “If I can help, I want to help.”

Letting your friend move into your home—and not charging a single baht—wasn’t arrogance. It was full-hearted kindness.

You saw your friend had financial problems, so you didn’t want to make their life harder. And you thought, innocently, like kind people do:

“They’ll stay just for a little while. Once they get back on their feet, they’ll move out.”

But you didn’t realize:

Your “a little while” = no more than 1–3 months.
Your friend’s “a little while” = a full year.

Your “we’ll help each other” = sharing living costs sometimes.
Your friend’s “we’ll help each other” = you pay for everything.

And your belief—“they’ll feel considerate toward me”—
never arrived.

This kind of situation… is not your fault. It happens because:

Kind people assume others will have the same level of consideration they do—
but some people don’t.

And that’s where the discomfort began to grow slowly and silently—like tree roots spreading under a house without anyone noticing—until one day the whole house starts to shake.

🌧 CHAPTER 2 — Your life slowly disappeared without you realizing it

In the first month, you still thought it was okay. Your friend still seemed considerate, still helped a little.

But little by little, it became obvious…

They eat a lot.
Food runs out fast.
Water runs out fast.
Trash doubles.
Electricity bills rise.
Internet usage rises.
Household supplies need refilling more often.
The groceries you buy “vanish unusually fast.”
Everything shared in the home—you pay for it all.

And your friend has never offered to pay even once, even after almost a year.

While your boyfriend—who isn’t even this friend’s close friend—still said:

“If it were me, I would offer to help. Living in someone’s home for this long, you should contribute.”

But your friend never says anything. Not even once.

They never ask if you’re overwhelmed.
They never offer to split water/electric bills.
They never ask who buys the household supplies.
Even though they can clearly see you’re the one buying everything.

Your friend only does “their own dishes, their own laundry.”
But “everything else in the house” is handled by you and your boyfriend.

And slowly, the home that used to be your Safe Zone becomes a place where you have “no space of your own.”

Not just physically—but emotionally. Your mental space gets taken bit by bit.

🌪 CHAPTER 3 — The point where your home stopped being a home and became someone else’s camp

Your friend weighs about 120 kg and is under 160 cm tall. That makes them slow, tired easily, and struggle with many tasks.

And the worst of all: the snoring.

The snoring is so loud it shakes the whole house. Loud enough that you notice “periods of not breathing.” You worry. You tell them to see a doctor. You tell them to lose weight. You tell them to take care of themselves.

But nothing changes. No discipline. No effort. Like they’ve surrendered their life to “just being like this.”

And the problem spreads across the whole home:

Your friend snores so badly your boyfriend has to hide in your room every day.
Your younger brother doesn’t want to stay at home.
You can’t sleep.
A home that should be quiet becomes a house filled with noise all night.
And now your friend is still blasting the TV at 5 a.m. and doesn’t keep any normal sleep schedule.

Your house starts to stop being a house.
It stops being private space.
It starts feeling like a care center for one person who refuses to care for themselves—while the homeowner works harder just to feed and support everyone.

This is a burden no one should have to carry.

And a true friend would never do this.

⛈ CHAPTER 4 — The truth you’re finally admitting: they’re not considerate because they’ve gotten used to it

The deepest wound here isn’t the money.
It isn’t the snoring.
It isn’t the staying up until dawn or eating too much.

It’s the fact that they never showed consideration. Not even a little.

Living in someone else’s home for free should never be “free for real.” It should come with some form of repayment—effort, contribution, care, gratitude.

In reality, they haven’t done that.

And here’s the brutal detail:

They’re not considerate because they already know you’re kind—and you won’t say anything.

With people like this:

The quieter you are, the bolder they become.
The more you help, the more they lean.
The more you give, the more they take.
Until they decide it’s “normal.”

They don’t see how tired you are.
They don’t see your boyfriend’s discomfort.
They don’t see your brother fleeing the house.
They don’t see your home losing the positive energy it used to have.

Because they’re so comfortable that they forget other people’s suffering.

And this is the painful truth you must accept:

You didn’t just have “a friend living with you.”
You’ve been housing “an extra burden” in your home for a full year.

It’s not your fault.
It happened because you’re kind—
and they’ve been benefiting from that kindness without realizing what they’re doing.

🌤 CHAPTER 5 — So what do you do now?

Now we’re at the most important point:

You’re at your limit.
Your home isn’t a home.
Your family relationships are being damaged.
Your boyfriend is barely holding on.
You’re exhausted to the point of tears.

There are 3 levels of solutions, depending on how firm you can be.

LEVEL 1: Talk directly—like adults, with honesty

This is the fairest step for both sides. Because a “good friend” will understand. But a “friend who lacks consideration” may react defensively or avoid you.

Say it directly, gently, but clearly:

“My boyfriend and I are struggling—expenses and personal space. It’s been too long. At the start, it was just to help during the project setup. But now I need you to start finding a new place. I’ll give you 1–2 months.”

If you don’t want to talk about money directly, talk about “space and privacy,” because that’s the most universally understandable reason.

Suggested phrases:

“Lately we need the space for ourselves again.”

“I need you to start looking for a new room, because everyone in the house is genuinely struggling.”

“I’m not angry, but it’s been too long to live together.”

Remember: this is protecting your home, not being cruel.

LEVEL 2: Set a clear deadline

With a friend like this, if you don’t set a deadline, they’ll stay forever—because in their mind, this house is comfort: food, TV, a free roof.

So give a clear deadline, like:
“Next month I want you to start moving out. I can help you look for a place at a reasonable price.”

Giving 30–60 days is already more than fair.

LEVEL 3: If they still don’t move, don’t look for a place, don’t change

This is critical. Some people won’t leave until they’re forced out.

If they don’t move at all, use unavoidable reasons:

Their health needs a private space

The snoring is impacting everyone

Your boyfriend needs rest for work

You need privacy back

Say it calmly but firmly:
“We cannot continue living like this.”

Do not let it drift—otherwise you’ll lose another year.

🌺 CHAPTER 6 — Your guilt is what kind people carry alone

I want to emphasize this strongly:

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

You already helped your friend beyond what most people would ever do:

You opened your home

You fed them for free

You covered utilities and supplies

You helped them get work

You endured the noise and lifestyle disruption

You carried heavy expenses

You lost your privacy for a full year

Your boyfriend and brother suffered too because of it

You gave more than “help.” You gave a life raft.

The person who should feel guilty is them, not you.

Your kindness should not become a chain around your neck in your own home.

💛 CHAPTER 7 — The blunt summary from me

Your home should be a Safe Zone, not someone else’s free living facility.
This friend isn’t considerate because they’ve gotten used to you giving.
You should talk clearly and ask them to move out within 1–2 months.
If they don’t act, set a firm deadline.
You are not wrong for wanting your private life back.
Asking a friend to leave isn’t betrayal—it’s self-protection.
Your boyfriend and your younger brother deserve their “home” back too.
A real friend will understand. If they don’t, they were never truly a friend in the first place.

And I want you to remember this sentence:

Kindness is a value.
But letting someone live in your home without consideration is hurting yourself without realizing it.

You have the right to reclaim your life.
You have the right to personal space.
You have the right to want your home to feel like a home again.

And I’m with you on this 100%.

❤️

friend staying too long, boundaries, housemate conflict, financial burden, emotional burnout, people-pleasing, personal space, roommate issues, setting a deadline, difficult conversation, unhealthy dependency, exploitation of kindness, household expenses, sleep disruption, loud snoring, sleep apnea warning signs, mental exhaustion, relationship strain, family tension, reclaiming your home, conflict resolution

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