My Coworker Is Always Late, Takes Constant Leave, and Dumps All the Work on Me—What Should I Do?

My Coworker Comes and Goes Like a Free Spirit — While I Do All the Work. Am I Selfish for Taking My Day Off? 😤📋

Let’s talk about this:

Hello. I’ve been working at a nonprofit organization for 1 year as an administrative staff member. There is already one clerk in this workplace, and they assigned me to “help” the existing clerk. Throughout the time I’ve been working here, I’ve ended up doing almost everything. The original clerk constantly dumps work on me. What do you think? Please comment.

1. Our organization’s working hours are 08:30–17:00. Every workplace has start and end times, right? But!!! The original clerk comes in whenever she wants and leaves whenever she wants (takes a half-day leave but shows up at 2:00 PM—what kind of half-day is that?) She comes late and still leaves earlier than me. She says, “This is a nonprofit organization, not a shop—what standards are you using to judge that I’m late?”

Note: We have a fingerprint scanner at work, and employees must report leave/errands in the LINE group.

2. She takes leave very often—almost every week of every month. I only get one day off per week. I can’t even take a day off when I’m sick because I’m afraid people will criticize me for taking leave too often. But!!! For her, for example, if she takes leave today, tomorrow she’ll take an additional day off, and then there’s her regular scheduled day off as well.

3. Recently she has been taking leave, claiming she’s going back home to take care of her sick father—traveling from the city to the countryside. But someone saw that she didn’t actually go. Sometimes she claims she went to see her father yesterday, and then she shows up at work in the morning (even though she doesn’t have her own car and doesn’t really have much money). I’d like your opinions: Is it even possible to travel there and back within 1 day?

4. I’d like everyone’s opinions, please. Last Friday and Saturday, she didn’t come to work. On Saturday at around 9 PM, she posted in the group LINE that her father passed away and requested leave from work, but she didn’t say how many days she would be absent or when she would return. This Tuesday will be my day off, and I’ll be the only one left to cover her duties. If I want to rest too, should I take my day off? Would that be selfish?

In this organization, there are multiple bosses and a supervisor, but they can’t scold her or do anything to her. Even when she used a coworker’s social security money for a whole year, the coworker forgave her. There are many other issues too, yet they still keep this person employed.

📋 Table of Contents

1. The Scene You Live Every Morning
2. This Isn't About Her — It's About the System That Keeps Her
3. Your Four Issues, Addressed One by One
4. Should You Take Tuesday Off? The Actual Answer
5. The Action Plan That Forces Accountability Without Drama
6. If Nothing Changes — What Then
7. DramoCiety Summary

Here’s how I see it:

You showed up at 8:25. She showed up at 2:00 PM and called it a half-day. Somewhere in a parallel universe, there is logic to this. We are not in that universe.

Here's the situation, submitted by someone who is clearly running on their last nerve:

I've been working at a nonprofit for 1 year as administrative staff — assigned to "help" the original clerk. In practice, I do almost everything. She comes in whenever she wants, leaves early, takes leave almost every week, once used a coworker's social security money for a whole year, and the bosses do nothing. Her father just passed away (supposedly — someone saw she didn't actually go home the previous times she claimed to be taking care of him). She posted at 9 PM on Saturday asking for leave with no duration, no handover. Tuesday is my scheduled day off and I'll be the only one left covering. Should I take my day off? Am I being selfish?

I'll be honest: I've read this twice, and each time I finish I feel the same sensation — the mild rage of watching someone with zero shame thrive in a system designed to absorb consequences on behalf of whoever refuses to feel guilty. Which, in this case, is you. 🎭

So let's talk about it. No sugarcoating. But also no naïve "just report her to HR!" energy, because I can see from the social-security-money detail that we are dealing with an organization where "accountability" is more of a vibe than a policy.

1. The Scene You Live Every Morning ☀️😶

Monday, 08:25. You walk in. Lights off, desk empty, LINE group silent. You scan your fingerprint, turn on the lights, arrange documents, check the messages. No one.

08:50. You start answering calls, receiving documents, troubleshooting the small things. Her chair remains in its pristine, undisturbed state — a monument to her continued employment.

10:30. You start doing her tasks because someone has to, and the deadline doesn't care about your job description.

14:00. She materializes. Casually. With the confidence of someone who has never once experienced a consequence.

"This is a nonprofit organization, not a shop. What standard are you using to judge that I'm late?"

And you sit there quietly, because if you say anything you'll be the difficult one. 🙃

I want to name what's happening to you psychologically, because it's important: you are experiencing a textbook case of workplace learned helplessness — the gradual erosion of agency that happens when you try to do the right thing, watch it change nothing, and eventually stop believing that doing the right thing is worth the effort. Combined with chronic work overload and the moral injury of watching someone face zero consequences for behavior you'd be fired for, this is a very specific kind of burnout. The kind that sneaks up quietly and then arrives all at once. 🧠

You are not overthinking. You are not weak. You are watching a broken system run on your goodwill, and you've been doing it for a year.

2. This Isn't About Her — It's About the System That Keeps Her 🏛️🔩

I need to say this clearly before we get into specifics: she is not the root problem. She is a symptom.

The root problem is an organization with multiple bosses who cannot — or will not — enforce basic standards. That's the organism. She is just the bacteria that thrives when the immune system is absent.

Here's how I know this: you told me she used a coworker's social security money for an entire year. An entire year. And the response was: the coworker forgave her, and she kept her job. That is not a management failure on one bad day. That is a culture — a documented, repeated, demonstrated culture of enabling behavior that would end careers at any functional organization.

In Buddhist terms, this is an institution caught in its own upādāna — clinging to a false peace, avoiding the discomfort of confrontation, and calling it forgiveness. But real mettā (loving-kindness) in a workplace means protecting the people who actually do the work — not protecting the peace of managers who don't want a difficult conversation. 🪷

Why does this matter? Because it tells you: you probably cannot fix her. You can only change how you play the game around her. And that's a very different strategic objective than "justice." Justice might not be coming. Protection of yourself is very much available, and we're going to talk about exactly that.

3. Your Four Issues, Addressed One by One 📋🔍

⚠️ Issue #1: "This Isn't a Shop" — The World's Most Creative Excuse for Having No Standards

Your organization has: fixed hours (08:30–17:00), a fingerprint scanner, and a LINE group for reporting leave. The infrastructure for accountability exists. The will to use it does not.

Her "not a shop" line is philosophically interesting and practically useless. Nonprofits don't run on vibes. They run on people showing up, doing tasks, and coordinating — all of which require minimum standards around time and communication. If anything, nonprofits need more discipline because the staffing is leaner and one person's disappearance creates ripple effects that a large corporate team could absorb. Her argument proves the opposite of what she thinks it proves. But she knows no one will push back, which is why she says it with such confidence. 🎤

✅ Issue #2: The Leave Inequality — You're Afraid to Take Sick Leave While She Treats Work Like a Optional Activity

This is where I want to push back on you gently: not taking your sick leave doesn't make you look hardworking. It makes you look like someone the system can exploit. Certain types of people — and certain types of dysfunctional systems — will pile more onto whoever never says no. Your martyrdom is not building credit. It's building a precedent.

There's a psychological concept called emotional labor taxation — the invisible cost of being the person who picks up the slack, absorbs the consequences, and smooths over every disruption caused by someone who doesn't. You've been paying that tax for a year. And the cruel irony is: the more efficiently you pay it, the less pressure anyone feels to address the source. Your competence is subsidizing her freedom. 🏦

🔍 Issue #3: "Going Home to Care for Her Father" — But Someone Saw She Didn't Go

You asked whether same-day round-trip travel to the countryside is feasible without a car or much money. Honestly — for nearby provinces, possible. For anything significantly far, unlikely but not impossible. That's the factual answer.

But here's the more important point: you are not the detective here, and playing detective will backfire. The moment you say "I think she's lying," the entire conversation shifts from work accountability to interpersonal accusation — and you lose credibility regardless of whether you're right. The correct move is not to investigate her story. It's to enforce process regardless of her story. Leave must be documented. Duration must be stated. Handover must happen. These rules apply whether her father is sick, healthy, or fictional. Enforce the process. Let management deal with the story. 📋

💙 Issue #4: The Father Passed Away — Grief, Timing, and the Complete Absence of a Handover Plan

If her father truly passed away, that is a real loss and she deserves genuine compassion. Full stop. Grief is not a bureaucratic technicality.

AND — grief does not dissolve an organization's responsibility to have a coverage plan. These two things coexist. A 9 PM LINE message with no duration, no handover, no task list is not "requesting leave." It's disappearing and hoping someone picks up the pieces. That someone, left to chance, will inevitably be you. The failure here isn't hers — it's management's. A functional organization doesn't wait for a crisis to discover it has no backup system. That gap belongs to leadership. Which brings us to the main event. 🎯

4. Should You Take Tuesday Off? The Actual Answer 🗓️💤

Yes. Take your day off. No, you are not selfish.

I'll say it louder for the people in the back who have been conditioned to believe that rest is a moral failure: taking your scheduled day off is not abandoning the team. It's using a right you earned.

The selfish parties in this scenario are: the person who regularly disappears without handover, and the leadership team that has allowed one person to carry the operational weight of two roles for a year without intervention. You are not on that list.

Here's the psychology behind your guilt, because it's worth understanding: you've been operating inside a system with a broken reward structure. When you work extra, nothing improves. When you sacrifice your rest, it becomes the new baseline. Your brain has started associating "resting" with "causing harm," because every time you imagine stepping back, you can see clearly what falls apart. That's not conscience. That's hyperresponsibility shaped by a system that trained you to be its shock absorber. 🧠

In the Pali concept of upekkha — equanimity — the wisdom is not in carrying everyone's suffering, but in understanding what is and isn't yours to carry. Tuesday's coverage problem belongs to management. It became theirs the moment they received a leave request with no duration and no handover plan and said nothing. 🪷

That said — take your day off professionally. Not by silently disappearing (we've seen how well that strategy communicates). With a clear, documented notification that simultaneously protects your right and pushes the responsibility back where it belongs.

💬 The Message to Send in the LINE Group (Before Your Day Off)

"Dear [Supervisor/everyone], as a reminder — Tuesday is my scheduled day off as planned. Since [clerk's name] has requested leave without specifying a return date or handover plan, I want to flag this in advance so we can arrange coverage for critical tasks. I'm happy to document the current task status before I leave on Monday if that's helpful. Could someone confirm the plan for Tuesday so nothing urgent falls through?"

Why this works: no accusation, no drama, clearly states your right, and elegantly hands the management problem back to management. If they say "then you cover" — see the response below. 👇

💬 If They Say "Then You Cover on Tuesday"

"I understand the concern. Tuesday is my planned day off, and I've been covering [her] duties continuously for some time without additional compensation or rotation. If coverage is needed, I'd appreciate if we could discuss a rotation plan so the workflow doesn't rely on one person indefinitely. I want to support the team sustainably — not just short-term."

Calm. Professional. Immovable. This is the moment you discover whether the organization respects workers or just consumes them. Either answer is information you need. 📌

5. The Action Plan That Forces Accountability Without Drama 🛠️📊

Here's the thing about dysfunctional workplaces: you can't fix them through righteousness. Righteousness without strategy just gets you exhausted and ignored. What you need is a quiet, documented, professional campaign that makes the problem visible without making you the problem.

🗂️ Phase A: The Evidence Log (Your Politest Weapon)

For 2–4 weeks, keep a simple daily log. Facts only — no opinions, no emotions.

• Date and time of arrival/departure (yours and observable patterns)
• Tasks completed that fall under clerk duties
• Tasks delayed because of absent coverage
• Any verbal assignments received with no written record

Don't write: "She's lazy and unreliable." Write: "March 12 — Registry filing (18 sets) completed by me due to clerk absence. Call volume: 14 calls handled by me." Numbers are harder to dismiss than feelings. 📈

📤 Phase B: The Weekly Status Summary

Every Friday, send a brief task status summary to your supervisor. Keep it factual and helpful-sounding — not complainy. Something like: "Weekly admin status: Tasks completed this week [list]. Pending items carried over [list]. Coverage gaps this week: [dates]."

They don't need to read every line. Over time, the pattern becomes visible without you ever having to say "she never does anything." The data says it for you. This is called organizational visibility strategy — making your work legible to people who otherwise assume everything is fine because nothing has exploded yet. 🧩

📝 Phase C: Request a Role Clarity Meeting

"I'd like 15 minutes to clarify my scope of work. I was brought in to support the clerk, but in practice I've been handling most clerk duties continuously — which is starting to affect my core admin responsibilities. Could we define which tasks are primarily mine, which are hers, and what the backup plan is when she's absent?"

This is professional language, not complaint language. It frames the issue as a workflow risk (which leadership cares about) rather than a personality conflict (which they will avoid). The anicca of all informal arrangements — they are always impermanent, and always need formalizing before they collapse. 🪷

🚫 Phase D: Stop Accepting Verbal Dumping

When someone tries to hand you her tasks verbally, respond: "Sure — could you confirm that in LINE or email so I can prioritize correctly?"

This single move is extraordinarily effective. People who dump work verbally are often relying on the fact that verbal assignments are deniable — both as "I never assigned you that" later, and as invisible to anyone above them. Written confirmation changes the entire dynamic. People who thrive on chaos hate paper trails. Use that. 📄

6. If Nothing Changes — What Then 🚪🧭

I want to be honest with you about something that the action plan alone doesn't address: some organizations don't change. Not because the problem isn't visible. Because the culture actively protects certain people, and no amount of evidence logs or role-clarity meetings will overcome a management team that has decided, through a year of inaction, that this is acceptable.

The social security money incident is your data point. That is not a forgivable oversight — that is a financial crime that got absorbed through "forgiveness." Organizations that absorb that don't usually find their spine over fingerprint tardiness. 📊

So I want you to ask yourself one honest question — not for me, for you:

If six months from now nothing has changed — the same workload, the same invisibility, the same exhaustion — can you survive here? Is this job building you, or slowly dismantling you?

Updating your resume is not defeat. Looking at other options is not disloyalty. It's sammā-sankappa — right intention, directed toward your own wellbeing. 🪷 Some nonprofits are beautifully run and deeply meaningful. Some are messy systems where good people burn out quietly while chaos gets a permanent desk.

You do not have to sacrifice your health for a system that has already demonstrated it won't protect you.

🎭 DramoCiety Summary — The Blunt Version

• "This isn't a shop" is the most creative excuse for having no standards. It proves the opposite of what she thinks. Every nonprofit runs on people showing up. 🎤
• She is not the root problem. The system that kept her after the social-security-money incident is. You can't fix her. You can change how you navigate around her.
• Your martyrdom is not building credit. It's building a precedent. The more efficiently you absorb her absence, the less pressure anyone feels to address it. Stop subsidizing her freedom. 🏦
• Don't play detective about the father situation. Enforce process regardless of her story. Leave needs duration. Tasks need handover. That's a system rule — not a personal attack.
• Take Tuesday off. You are not selfish. Send a professional notification. Push the coverage problem back to management — it's theirs. If they say "then you cover," that's a negotiation, not a verdict. 🗓️
• The four-phase strategy: evidence log → weekly status summaries → role clarity meeting → written confirmation for all assigned tasks. Quiet, documented, devastating to chaos-reliant people. 📋
• Upekkha — equanimity — is not carrying everyone's suffering. It's knowing what is and isn't yours to carry. Tuesday's coverage problem belongs to management. 🪷
• If the organization doesn't change in 6 months, start planning your exit. Some nonprofits are wonderful. This one has shown you, repeatedly, what it is. Believe it.

The final DramoCiety truth: You are not a human shock absorber. You can help — genuinely, generously — but not to the point where your kindness becomes the reason a broken system never has to fix itself. Rest on Tuesday. Eat properly. Walk. And come back Wednesday as someone who knows their worth. 🔥

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If workplace stress is affecting your mental health and you need to talk to someone:
🇺🇸 US: Crisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741 | SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-4357
🇬🇧 UK: Samaritans — 116 123 (free, 24/7)
🇨🇦 Canada: Crisis Services Canada — 1-833-456-4566
🇦🇺 Australia: Lifeline — 13 11 14

All content on DramoCiety is for reflective and educational purposes only. If you're experiencing significant workplace distress, consider speaking with a licensed mental health professional or employment counselor.