I work taking care of an elderly person. He kisses my cheek when I’m not paying attention—Is that okay?

Let’s talk about this:

Hello,

I’ve been kissed on the cheek twice already. What should I do? I really don’t like it.

Here’s what happened: I’m 20 years old and I study at a university in XX City. It’s currently school break. A friend I know asked me to fill in for them for about two weeks. The job is caregiving—taking care of a patient at the patient’s home.

I’m taking care of an elderly man. He’s around 70 years old. He had surgery and needs dialysis twice a week. When I first started, my friend taught me how to care for him for one day. At first it was difficult because there was so much to remember. Now it’s been a week and I can do things more smoothly.

I call the person I take care of “Grandpa” because he has a good personality and he likes to talk to me about different things while I’m caring for him. When his children come, they bring me things and talk to me too—it’s pretty enjoyable. I feel like Grandpa is kind.

But these past two days, something strange happened. While I was doing physical therapy for him—meaning I had to help support him while he stood up—he kissed my cheek. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran outside the room. I thought maybe he was just being affectionate toward me like a grandchild.

The second time was today. I was helping support him again and he kissed my cheek again. I told him that I don’t like that.

What should I do? I need money during the school break, and if I quit this job, my friend still hasn’t come back yet. Was the patient doing the right thing or not? What should I do?

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Here’s how I see it:

Of course—absolutely.

Tonight, I want to tell you this like a best friend you walk up to and whisper,

“I… I have something to tell you. I’m scared to tell anyone.”

And I will not judge you. I will not make you feel guilty about your feelings—no matter how “small” it might look to someone else.

Because tonight, this is a big thing for you. And it matters enough that someone should listen to you seriously.

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Part 1:

“It’s not just a cheek kiss… it’s a violation of your personal boundary.”

Listen to me.

What happened… is not normal.

Even if you want to see him as a “grandpa” who’s just affectionate,
Even if you try to think, “He’s 70, he probably doesn’t mean anything,”
Even if you don’t dare say anything harsh because you’re just a university student filling in for a friend for only a few days—

But I want you to hear this clearly:

Even if he’s 70… or 700 years old,
If you did not consent, and he “touches you” in a personal way—especially on your cheek—
That is not cute. That is a clear violation of your bodily autonomy.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like, “It’s nothing.”

Because this “nothing” is exactly what slowly teaches many women to believe their feelings are “not serious enough” to speak up.

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Part 2:

“Why does it feel so uncomfortable if he didn’t do anything violent?”

That’s the point.

He didn’t hit you.
He didn’t yank your arm or pull your body.
He “only” kissed your cheek—which in Thai culture can look like something older men do out of affection.

But this is happening with someone who is not your close person, not your relative.

And most importantly…

You did not allow it.

That’s the exact line that makes it wrong.

It’s like you’re just standing there and someone touches your shoulder from behind without warning. You’d feel startled, right?

Now imagine it’s your cheek—an extremely personal area.

You feel “invaded” with no warning.

And when it happens in a situation where you can’t speak clearly because you’re trying to be polite and respectful, it makes you feel trapped—stuck between manners and fear.

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Part 3:

“But he’s old… maybe he didn’t mean anything.”

I understand that you’re trying to find reasons for him.

But listen:

Being older doesn’t mean having more rights.
Being sick doesn’t mean you can do anything you want.
And sometimes “kindness” can hide inappropriate behavior underneath.

In the world of caregiving, this happens more often than people think. Some patients use the relationship, their age, or the fact that the caregiver is helping them as an excuse to cross boundaries—sometimes knowingly, sometimes not.

But that still isn’t a reason you have to endure it if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

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Part 4:

“But what if I still have to stay for another week?”

You said you’re covering for your friend for two weeks, and now one week has passed. You have one week left.

You also need the money during the break, and your friend hasn’t returned yet.

Okay… I’m not going to tell you to quit immediately, because I understand you’re in a situation where it’s not easy to just walk away.

So let’s talk about a plan that doesn’t need drama, doesn’t need fighting—but is safe and clear for you.

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Part 5:

“Basic self-protection methods: polite but firm.”

1) Keep as much distance as possible
Every time you need to help him, try to stay at his side, not directly in front of him.
Don’t lean your face close to him.
Don’t support him with your chest or shoulder near your cheek.
Use your hands and arms to support him while keeping your face away from his.

2) Use something as a barrier, like a towel or scarf
If you see him leaning his face toward your cheek, use a scarf or towel as a “soft shield.”
Act like you’re wiping sweat or cleaning him.
It’s not aggressive, but it creates a thin wall that may signal: “Don’t do that again.”

3) Speak clearly with a gentle tone
If it happens again, say:
“Grandpa, I don’t like anyone kissing my cheek. It makes me feel uncomfortable.”
“Grandpa, please don’t touch me like that. I feel uneasy.”

Don’t say things like “I’m shy,” or “I don’t dare,” or “Please don’t…” in a timid way—because some older people may interpret it as:
“She’s embarrassed, but she secretly likes it.”

Be clear. Be confident.

You’re not being rude.
You are simply stating your boundary.

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Part 6:

“If it happens again and you truly can’t handle it anymore?”

You have the right to stop working.

You do not need to wait until it escalates into something huge.

If you are touched again—especially after you already said clearly that you don’t like it—then that becomes a deliberate boundary violation, and it’s much worse than the first time.

I recommend that you:

• Take a photo of the date on your calendar and record what happened.

• Save messages or write down the incident clearly.

• Inform your friend immediately.

• If possible, have a witness—like when his children are present, or someone in the house is aware.

And if you decide you must quit mid-way, tell your friend directly:

“I’ve been kissed on the cheek twice. I feel really uncomfortable. I’m truly sorry I can’t stay. But it’s affecting me a lot, and I don’t want to force myself to endure that.”

Anyone who understands will not be angry at you.
And if they are angry… don’t blame yourself.
Because you’re simply protecting yourself.

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Part 7:

“You’re not weak for reacting like this… you’re actually very strong.”

Do you know how many women are afraid to tell anyone when they’ve been touched?

They fear being told: “You’re overthinking.”

Or: “You’re dramatic.”

Or: “He’s just an old man being affectionate.”

But you spoke up.
You asked.
You knew: “I don’t like this.”

That is strength.

Even if you ran out of the room because you felt overwhelmed,
Even if you’re still there because you haven’t had time to act yet—

You recognized that it was not appropriate.
And you did not swallow your feelings just because he looks like a “nice elder.”

I want to applaud you—because for a 20-year-old woman to face this and speak it out, it’s not a small thing at all.

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Part 8:

“The most important question: how do you live with this fear from now on?”

I don’t want you to fear the world.

But I do want you to always set boundaries for yourself.

From now on, in any workplace, anywhere, remember:

No one has the right to touch you without your consent.
There is no such thing as “He’s old” that cancels your rights over your body.
There is no “You must endure because you need money” if your safety is at risk.
And most importantly—no one should make you feel uncomfortable because of their “kindness.”

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Final words: From my heart to you

You are capable.

Capable for still taking care of someone while your own heart is shaken.
Capable for still speaking softly even when you don’t feel safe.
And most capable for being brave enough to tell this story.

Remember:

You have the right to dislike it.

You have the right not to tolerate it.

You have the right to protect yourself—

even if no one is there with you.

But right now… I’m here.

And if one day it feels like it’s too much, tell me.
I’ll be here in every conversation—so you can be heard the way you always deserved.

🖤

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caregiver boundaries, elder care safety, workplace harassment, unwanted physical contact, consent and boundaries, patient misconduct, home care worker safety, sexual harassment signs, setting boundaries at work, assertive communication, personal space violation, caregiver rights, dealing with inappropriate behavior, safety plan for caregivers, reporting harassment