My friend — am I overthinking, or am I actually right about her?

Let’s talk about this:

This is about my senior “A” and me. Normally, we go home together every day (in my car). I drive and drop her off at the entrance of her alley. Then earlier this year, my car got hit after work — on the exact day I was driving her home. After that, I stopped bringing my car.

When I no longer had a car, she went home with me only once (we walked to the train station together one time). After that, she never asked, never invited me to go together again. Some days she went home with other seniors, or just slipped away quickly on her own, as if she was afraid I’d say something to her.

I was hurt by that, so I stopped really talking to her. And she also stopped talking to me. I’m pretty sure she knows something is off.

At first, we had already agreed that we’d go to out-of-district seminars using my car. But after my car got hit, she messaged me and said,

“I’ll go with another senior instead.”

And after that, she never once asked how my car was, or how I was going to get there. This is despite the fact that normally I’m the one who always drives her, drops her off, takes her home.

Whenever we had staff dinners far away, I’d drive and drop her off at her place, or wait around because I was worried she wouldn’t have a ride home. But the moment I had no car, it was like she didn’t care at all. She didn’t treat me the same way anymore.

I honestly have no idea what she really thinks of me.

Before my car was hit, during a company fun run at the park, she asked how I was getting there. I said I’d take a taxi. She said she’d take a taxi too and asked which starting point I’d be at. But on the way back, when I said I’d take the bus, she said she’d go back with me.

Then the next morning, she told me she’d be coming with another senior instead. I said okay, I didn’t complain. We met directly at the park to run. On the way back, I waited for her. I called her, and she said she’d go back with the senior she came with.

And I was like… okay, so why didn’t you tell me earlier? I was just standing there waiting, completely confused. In the end she sent me a message:

“Sorry for not taking care of you.”

Which basically means she was fully aware she’d hurt my feelings.

Back at work the next day, she didn’t dare talk to me at all. You could clearly see she knew exactly what she’d done wrong.

Later on, I heard she’d been telling other people that I’m the one who doesn’t talk to her. Even though she knows very well what actually happened. I found out because someone asked my friend why I wasn’t talking to her, and my friend explained the real reasons.

As for the people who are close to her, I’m sure they probably see me as the “petty, dramatic” one by now…

Here’s how I see it:

Okay, this one needs a full sit-down, because it’s not just some simple coworker drama. It’s about
“our own self-worth vs people who only see us when we’re useful.”

I’ve read everything you wrote, and I’ll be very honest:
You’re not overthinking.
But there are a few angles that, if you adjust your perspective just a little, your life will become a lot lighter.

Let me first paint the picture, then I’ll break it down into key points and some subtle exit strategies.

🌧 Scene One: From “regular driver” → to “practically invisible”

Let’s rewind to before your car got hit.

Every day after work,
everyone slowly heads home.
But for you, it’s not just “going home.”

It’s a routine:

You’re the driver.
Senior A is the passenger.
You drive her and drop her off at the entrance of her alley.

It’s like:
“We’re the team that goes home together.”

It’s not just about the car.
It’s a quiet kind of bond that’s built through actions.
You’re the one giving convenience.
She’s the one receiving it every day by default.

And then one day…
Your car gets hit — on the exact day you’re driving her home.

The moment your car disappears from the equation,
everything changes.

When you no longer have the car:

She went home with you once (walked to the train station together).
After that… she vanished from the pattern.

Some days, she goes with another senior.
Some days, she slips away quickly on her own.
No asking, no inviting, no “Do you want to go together?”

The vibe is like she’s afraid you’ll “expect her to take care of you in return,”
so she chooses the easiest way out — avoiding the situation altogether.

You’re left feeling:

“So… the moment I have nothing to offer, she doesn’t stand by me at all?”

You used to drive her all the way to the alley.
Now you hardly even walk home together.
You’re still physically in the same place as before —
you just don’t have the car anymore.

Feeling hurt by that is completely normal.
And honestly, it’s the kind of quiet pain that sits deep.

🌧 Scene Two: The park run that turned into a “reveal of true colors”

This incident says a lot.

At first, you two talked about how you’d get there and back.

For the way there, you both agreed on taking a taxi.
She even asked which point you’d start running from.
At that point, she still seemed “in sync” with the idea of going together.

For the way back, you said you’d take the bus.
She said she’d go back with you.

Sounds pretty sweet, right?
Like, okay, at least she’s not leaving you hanging.

But…

The next morning, she says:

“I’m going with another senior.”

You still said okay.
Because that’s the way there — plans can change.
That part is understandable.

The real sting comes on the way back.

You waited for her.
You called her.
And then you find out:

She’s going back with the senior she came with.

No heads-up.
No “Hey, I’m going back with someone else, don’t wait for me.”
She just leaves you standing there, waiting for nothing.

The problem isn’t “she chose to go with someone else.”
The problem is: she didn’t consider your time or feelings at all.

In the end, she messages:

“Sorry for not taking care of you.”

So yes—she fully knows that she actually left you hanging.

Then the next day at work,
she suddenly “doesn’t dare talk to you.”

She knows she made you feel bad.
But instead of facing it, she runs from it.

🌧 Scene Three: The car accident, the out-of-district seminar, and her quiet withdrawal

When you two talked about the seminar in another district,
when you still had the car,
the plan was: go together in your car.

After your car got hit,
the first thing she says is:

“I’ll go with another senior then.”

The line that should have come with that, but didn’t, is something like:

“Is your car badly damaged?”
“Are you okay?”
“How are you going to get there now? If you need help, let me know.”

Instead, what she actually did was:

Secure her own convenience first.
Your transportation and your feelings = secondary.

And after that?

She never once asked how your car was.
Never asked how you were getting around.

Even though before that:

You were the one driving her to her place.
You waited for her when going home from faraway dinners.
You worried about whether she’d have a ride home.

The moment you no longer had a car,
it’s like you no longer existed in her daily plan.

🌧 Scene Four: Your story → turned into “her version” in her circle

Later on, you hear that she’s been telling others:

“She doesn’t talk to me.”

Which, to be fair, isn’t entirely false—
you did pull back.

But her version is missing half the story:

What she did to you first.
That she knows she hurt your feelings.
That she chose to avoid instead of making things right.
That she let the narrative turn into “you’re the one being moody and unreasonable.”

The people close to her
will only hear her version:

She’s “the victim of your sulking,”
not “the one who treated someone poorly after receiving tons of kindness.”

Your friend had to step in and explain
because people started asking:

“Why don’t you talk to that senior anymore?”

This is where it cuts even deeper.
Because it’s not just that your feelings got hurt—
now your image in other people’s eyes is being twisted too.

🔍 Let’s answer the core question:

Are you “overreacting,” or are you actually right?

To be blunt:

✅ 1) About feeling hurt — you are absolutely not overreacting.
What she did was genuinely not okay.

There’s a clear pattern:

When you had something to offer (the car), she was around.
When you no longer had it, she quietly withdrew.
She knew she’d hurt your feelings (e.g., the park run situation).
But she never truly stepped up to own it like an adult.
She shared a version of the story that made her look less bad.

Your pain is 100% valid.

⚖️ 2) But about “staying stuck in her drama too long” — that’s the part we can fine-tune.

Where we need to be careful is:

Letting this story loop in your head for too long.
Tying her behavior to your self-worth.
(e.g., “She doesn’t value me, so maybe I’m not worth much.” → Not true.)

Letting the fear of “others seeing me as petty” make you feel guilty,
when in reality, you have every right to feel upset.

This isn’t about “thinking too much.”
It’s about “letting the wrong type of person stay in your emotional space too long.”

🧠 Understanding her mindset:

Is she a terrible person, or just someone who’s bad at taking responsibility in relationships?

Let’s strip the emotion for a moment
and map out her pattern:

She’s good at receiving other people’s kindness:

Rides in your car regularly.
Lets you drive, wait, drop her off.
Uses “teamwork” in a way that benefits her the most.

She’s not good at “taking care of people who take care of her”:

Didn’t think about how you’d get home or to events once you lost the car.
Didn’t think that someone who once worried about her ride home
might also need support when things get tough.

She knows she’s done wrong, but can’t own it like a grown-up:

“Sorry for not taking care of you” = she knows.
But after that, she doesn’t come and talk things out.
She chooses to avoid, to stay silent,
and to tell other people that you aren’t talking to her.

She’s scared of facing her own mistakes:

So she chooses the framing:

“I’m the one being ignored.”

Instead of:

“I treated someone badly and should make it right.”

So to sum it up:
She might not be a “monster” in general life,
but she is low-quality when it comes to:

maintaining healthy relationships, and
supporting people who’ve been good to her.

Which matters.
Because we get to choose:

“Who deserves a seat close to our heart?”

Not everyone who walks into our life deserves to stay.

❤️ What are your feelings really saying?

Let’s translate what’s in your heart into clear sentences:

“I didn’t need her to pick me up or drive me around.”
“I just wanted her to care about me as a person, not just as a driver.”
“I wish she’d at least asked how my car was, or if I was okay.”
“I wanted her to see that I have feelings, not just see me as a service.”
“It hurt that I seemed to vanish from her world the moment I had nothing to offer.”

All of this is simply a desire for a relationship that is fair and human.
That is not petty at all.

🧩 Why do you feel so alone and like you’re “the only one in the wrong”?

Because right now, there are three layers stacked together:

The sadness that she didn’t take care of you the way you took care of her.
The feeling that she knows what she did but still avoids dealing with it—this amplifies the sense of being abandoned.
The awareness that others now see you as “the unreasonable one who doesn’t talk.”

That third layer is what makes the whole thing feel suffocating.
It’s like you became “the bad guy in your own story.”

🔄 So how should you handle this?

I’ll give you three options.
You can mix and match them however suits you best.

🅰 Option 1: Let the relationship quietly downgrade — on purpose

In plain language:
Consciously accept that this person is no longer your “friend.”

She’s now:

Just “a coworker.”
Just “someone you know in the office.”
Not someone you need to emotionally invest in like before.

What to do in this mode:

Keep conversation polite and neutral.
“How are you?” / “Okay.” / “Yes, sure.”
Not cold, not close—just professional.
Don’t share personal stuff.
Don’t expect support.
Don’t worry about what she says about you to others.

This is about moving yourself back to a distance
where she can’t hurt you further.

Pros:

Protects your mental health.
Avoids direct confrontation.
Over time, people will gradually see for themselves what she’s like.

Cons:

Some unresolved feelings may remain.
The story others hear may not be 100% accurate—and you’ll have to let that go.

🅱 Option 2: Have one grown-up conversation — then decide whether to step back further

This is good if you feel:

“It’s stuck in my chest. If I never say anything, I’ll feel heavy forever.”

The key is:
This isn’t about scolding her.
It’s about calmly sharing your side of the story.

You can say something like:

“P’ A, can I be honest about something for a moment?

I feel like since my car got hit, and with the park run and going home after work,
there’ve been a few things that really hurt my feelings a bit.

Before that, I was happy to drive you home every day, drop you off, wait for you when we had faraway dinners.
But once I didn’t have a car, it felt like you disappeared.

I didn’t expect you to suddenly start picking me up or driving me.
I just felt like… if you’d asked how my car was doing, or how I was getting around,
it would have meant a lot.

Same with the park run — when you said you’d go back with me, I really thought we’d go home together.
In the end you went with someone else, which I can understand,
I just wish you’d told me earlier so I didn’t wait around like that.

I’m saying this not because I’m still angry,
but because I want you to understand how it felt for me.
I don’t want it to just hang like this forever.”

This way:

You’re not calling her “selfish” or “using you as a driver.”
You’re using “I feel…” / “It hurt me when…” instead of attacking her character.

Possible outcomes:

She sincerely apologizes and tries to adjust →
The relationship may not go back to what it was,
but you’ll see she has at least some emotional maturity.

She downplays it:
“Don’t overthink,” “I was busy,” etc. →
That’s your answer: she’s not someone who should be close to your heart.

She avoids, doesn’t want to talk, laughs it off →

Also an answer.

This option is powerful because:

You clear what’s in your heart.
You won’t feel like “the silent, petty one” at the office.
You’ll know you did your part.

🅾 Option 3: Keep your kindness, but upgrade your “filter system”

The big lesson here is:

“Your kindness isn’t the problem.
The problem is giving it freely to people who only see you as useful.”

You are very kind-hearted.

You drive people home.
You wait so they won’t be stranded.
You worry about how they’ll get back.

People like you shine anywhere.
But you also get hurt easily when people only take and never give back.

What you should do moving forward:

Don’t stop being kind.
But be more selective about who gets what level of access to your kindness.

If someone:

Shows up for you when you’re struggling → give them more.
Disappears the moment you have nothing to offer → downgrade them to “acquaintance.”

And remember:

The people who still see your value when you have nothing to give
—those are your real friends.

🧱 About “everyone probably sees me as the petty one now” — let’s talk about that

This is another part I don’t want you to let eat away at you.

Office reality:

People close to her → hear her version → see you in a negative light.
Neutral people → hear multiple sides → slowly piece things together.
Mature people → judge based on long-term behavior, not single anecdotes.

You can’t control what others think.
But you can control:

How you carry yourself in front of them.
How well you keep doing your job.
Whether you act in a way that matches or contradicts the story she tells.

How to protect yourself:

In front of people who know something’s up, stay calm, polite, not dramatic.

If someone directly asks, you can say, simply and honestly, without drama:

“There were a few things that made me feel a bit hurt,
so I decided to step back for both our sakes. It’s more comfortable that way.”

That’s it.
No extra details.

People who truly want to understand will fill in the blanks themselves.

🧡 So… were you right to step back?

From my perspective:

Yes, you were right to step back.

Forcing yourself to keep smiling and chatting
when inside you’re hurt
would do more damage to you in the long run.

The only things you might choose to do now are:

Decide whether you want one honest conversation to clear the air,
or just let the relationship quietly fade.

Stop blaming yourself for being “petty,”
when in truth, you simply reacted like any normal person would.

You have every right to feel sad and disappointed.
Because this isn’t just about the car.

It’s about someone you once thought cared about you,
but who ultimately cared more about
the convenience you provided
than about you as a person.

You’re not overthinking.

If anything, life just gave you an early preview of someone’s true character,
so you can protect your heart
and save your energy for people who truly deserve it.

💛

toxic friendship, one-sided effort, emotional boundaries, workplace relationships, silent withdrawal, being used for convenience, unspoken expectations, hurt feelings, perceived pettiness, social dynamics at work, disappointment in friends, carpooling issues, emotional maturity, conflict avoidance, setting boundaries, downgrading relationships, friendship evaluation, self-worth, people-pleasing recovery, protecting your peace