I’m almost 27. I’ve been living together with my partner for 5–6 years, but we don’t align on future plans—especially saving money. Should I keep going or stop here?

Let’s talk about this:

Hello, I’d like to ask for advice from everyone. I’m 26 years old, turning 27 next year. I work a full-time job. I’ve been with my partner for 4 years. 

Right now we live together, and we bought a condo together—one unit. Overall, we don’t have severe fights. Daily life is normal and fine. But the problem I’m getting more and more worried about is our future goals, especially finances. I’m someone who is quite serious about saving money and planning for the future—thinking about marriage, building a family, long-term expenses. 

I try to plan savings, invest, and control spending. But my partner (one year older than me) can barely save any money at all. They spend paycheck to paycheck, have no savings, and don’t seem to prioritize future planning as much. I’ve tried talking about this for about 2 years now—both calmly and kindly—inviting them to track income and expenses, set small goals, and save together. But in the end, it returns to the same thing. 

Nothing improves clearly. Now I’m starting to feel that even though we love each other, we’re “looking at the future in different directions,” and I’m very afraid that if we get married, money will become a huge problem in married life. What confuses me is that we’ve been together a long time, we already live together, we have shared assets (the condo), we don’t hate each other, we don’t fight intensely. But inside, I’m starting to lose confidence—whether this is truly the person I can build a future with. 

So I want to ask everyone: Am I overthinking? Is saving money and life goals a big enough issue to break up? Or should I give it more time and keep adjusting together? 

Or should I make a serious decision before I get older? Thank you in advance for every opinion. I will read every comment and I truly intend to think it through.

Here’s how I see it:

Let’s imagine a scene like this.

One evening, you get back to the condo after work—tired. The rain has just stopped. Traffic was jammed the whole way.
You open the door and see your partner chilling, watching a series, with a shopping bag sitting next to the sofa.

You put down your bag, pick up your phone, open your investment app, and check the savings balance you’ve been trying so hard to build.
In your head you’re thinking about the future—marriage, the cost of raising kids, a home, a car, a 6–12 month emergency fund.
And then your eyes drift to that shopping bag.

You’re not angry in an explosive way.

But there’s that heavy feeling like:

“I’m trying so hard to save… but the other person is still living paycheck to paycheck.  Are we going to survive in the future?”

That’s your reality right now—
not fighting every day, not hating each other, no extreme drama.
But there’s “something” stuck in your chest about the future and about money.

Before answering “Should I continue or stop here?”

I’ll say something blunt first:

No—you are not overthinking.

Money and life goals are not small details.

They are big enough to “actually destroy a marriage” if they never get resolved.

But at the same time…
I also need to reality-check you, because:

You are not perfect either.
And there are some points you have to see clearly—

“Am I protecting the future, or am I starting to use my ‘financial strictness’ to judge the other person?”

So let’s peel this back layer by layer—no sugarcoating, no taking sides.

1) You’re not overthinking — finances and future goals are a “time bomb” if you don’t align

What you fear right now is:

• You’re afraid that after marriage, finances will “explode” in your married life

• You’re afraid you’ll have to carry everything alone

• You’re afraid the other person doesn’t care about the future the way you do

Speaking as an outsider:

Many couples don’t break up because they don’t love each other.

They break up because:

• they can’t talk about money

• their spending styles are from different universes

• one is a saver, one is a spender

• debt piles up until love has no room to breathe

Money isn’t everything.
But when money problems hit for real,
they can drag everything down—respect, trust, the feeling of being a team.

So the fact that you’re 26–27 and you’re starting to think seriously,
“Can we actually walk into the future together?”
isn’t delusion. It’s you growing up and taking responsibility for your life.

You’re not overthinking.
But… if you let fear lead you without also examining yourself, you’ll miss important truths.

2) Put your life facts on the table clearly first

From what you shared:

• Together for 4 years

• Living together

• Bought a condo together (this is huge, not small at all)

• Daily life is okay, no severe fights

• The problem is increasingly about the “future,” especially money

You:

• serious about saving

• planning for the future: marriage, family, investing

• trying to save and control spending

Your partner:

• one year older

• paycheck to paycheck, no savings

• doesn’t prioritize future planning as much as you

You’ve tried talking about this for 2 years:

• tracking income/expenses

• setting saving goals

• saving together
  But it always cycles back to the same place.

What does this set of data tell you?

This isn’t a new issue that appeared two months ago. It has been going on for “two years.”

You didn’t just complain—you “took fair action” (budgeting together, setting goals, etc.).

But your partner “didn’t change seriously,” or didn’t change enough for you to feel:

“Okay, I can trust this.”

And importantly, you’re not coming from a place of “I’m bored so I’m looking for an excuse to leave.”
You’re coming from:

“I love them, but I’m starting to doubt whether we’ll survive if we build a family together.”

That’s the mindset of someone entering the life-building stage.
It’s not romantic, but it’s real.

3) Be fair to your partner: are they “bad,” or are they simply “not as grown as you need”?

Before you reach “Should I break up?”
look at your partner by separating the issues:

3.1) What kind of person are they in daily life?

You didn’t say your partner is a bad person. You only said:

• they can’t really save

• they spend paycheck to paycheck

• they don’t prioritize future planning as much as you

But we still don’t know:

• What do they spend money on—luxuries, or supporting family/parents, or old debt?

• What was their upbringing like—were they ever taught money management?

• What is their income level—can they realistically save, or is there almost nothing left?

• Did they ever have a period of truly trying to save, and then slipped—why?

So right now, we only know this:
they don’t prioritize money and the future the same way you do.
But we don’t yet know if they’re “irresponsible” or simply “never learned / not skilled at this.”

3.2) Did they ever genuinely try, or do they truly not care?

You said you invited them to budget, set goals, and save.
Eventually it returned to the same pattern.

The key question:

When you started together, did they “commit at first then fade,” or did they “reject it from the beginning”?

When they returned to the old spending pattern, what did they say?

• “I’m tired; I don’t want to think too much.”

• “My salary isn’t enough to save.”

• “I’ll figure it out—stop nagging.”

If they tried a bit but slipped →
it can mean they lack habit and discipline but it’s still “buildable” if they truly commit.

If they didn’t want to do it from day one and they avoid, mock, or change the topic →
that’s a strong signal they’re not ready to grow in the direction you’re going.

Either way: they have the right to live that way.
And you also have the right to say:

“That future is not the one I want.”

But before you land there, we need to talk about “your own blind spots” too.

4) Reality-check you: where you might be “too strict,” or “treating your way as the only correct way”

From your message, your money attitude is:

• serious about saving

• thinking marriage, family, long-term costs

• investing, planning, controlling expenses

• worrying about future risk

That’s excellent adult behavior.

But you should also check yourself on these points:

4.1) You might be using your plan as the only standard of “right”

Ask yourself honestly:

Have you truly opened space for your partner to explain “their version of the future” in their head?

Or is it mostly you presenting your plan and expecting them to follow?

Maybe your partner:

• thinks “we’ll take it step by step” and doesn’t like thinking too far ahead

• values “present happiness” more

• feels saving every last baht is like living in a cage

• grew up with no money left anyway, so paycheck-to-paycheck feels normal

You have the right to want a partner who plans like you do.
But if you never truly try to understand their money mindset
and you jump straight to “not saving = doesn’t care about the future,”
that may not be fully fair.

4.2) You might have slipped into being your partner’s “financial coach” more than an equal partner

You described:

• budgeting together

• goal setting

• organizing expenses

The key risk is your timing and tone.

Were you doing it with the feeling of “we’re building a future together,”
or with the feeling of “you must change or we can’t continue”?

Your partner might feel like:

“I’m being graded on my finances all the time.”

Even in love, if someone feels the other person sees them as a fix-it project rather than an equal human,
quiet resistance builds.

You may not mean to sound like “a parent teaching a child,”

but if your tone or method lands that way, it still has an impact.

4.3) Another truth: you’re scared, so you use money as armor

Ask yourself deeper:

What are you most afraid of in the future?

• no money when you’re older?

• having kids and not being able to provide?

• carrying everything alone?

Have you ever told your partner this “fear” directly,
or have you mostly only told them “the methods” (save, budget, invest)?

Sometimes people hear only the “techniques” and don’t see the “heart underneath,”
so it feels like control rather than teamwork.

5) So… should you continue, or end it?

Your big question:

“Is saving money and life goals big enough to break up, or should we keep trying?”

The blunt answer:

Yes, it’s big enough to break up if you truly don’t align.
But you shouldn’t decide based on only “they can’t save money.”
You have to look at the whole picture and whether you’ve truly done your best.

Let’s split it into three scenarios:

5.1) A scenario where you should give it another serious chance

This is when:

• your partner genuinely understands the problem and doesn’t dismiss it

• they admit their money habits are not okay and they “want to change”

• they agree to concrete actions, such as:
• automatic transfer of a portion of salary into savings
• paying down debt
• limiting discretionary spending

And you shift from coach → partner:

• not checking and policing

• building a system together, encouraging and reminding without crushing pressure

If both of you genuinely try for 6–12 months with clear rules like:

• separate personal accounts

• a shared account for condo and major expenses

• a shared saving target each month

Then observe:

• can they keep consistency?

• do they grow up in attitude, even if not perfect?

If they steadily improve, you might feel:
“Okay, at least we’re facing the same direction—just at different speeds.”

But if they only talk, and in reality they:

• don’t do it

• avoid

• explode about being restricted

• repeat the slip with zero accountability

That’s a strong signal you really live in different worlds.

5.2) A scenario where you should step back to avoid long-term damage

If many of these apply:

• they fundamentally disagree with your mindset (call you overthinking, too stressed, too picky, etc.)

• they don’t accept their finances as a problem

• every money talk turns into a fight or a slammed door

• you’ve changed your communication style but nothing changes

• you start feeling irritated every time they spend—even on small things

• most importantly: when you imagine 5–10 years ahead, you feel more suffocation than peace

In this case, forcing it is high risk:

• you become the sole carrier

• respect slowly disappears

• and the explosion may come later with kids, debt, and more binding obligations—much worse pain

Stepping back before kids, while assets can still be separated more cleanly,
can hurt short-term but save you from heavier long-term damage.

5.3) The middle scenario: you don’t have to break up yet, but you must change the game

This is when:

• they’re not strongly resisting

• but they’re not truly committing either

• you still love them and can’t let go

Here, you change from:

“I must drag you into my financial plan”

to:

“How do I manage my own financial stability,

so even if this relationship doesn’t survive, my life still does?”

For example:

• clarify condo ownership details:
• whose name, what percentages
• if you split, what happens (sell, transfer, buy out)?

• agree clearly on household expense splitting

• if they don’t save, you save more on your side

• reduce the fantasy of “we must build wealth together”

• ask yourself honestly:
  “If they’re not a financial partner but they are someone I love and feel peaceful with—
  is that enough for the marriage life I want?”

Only you can answer that. You must be honest with yourself.

6) If you’re not deciding yet — what you should do immediately

Whether you stay or leave, do these three things to protect yourself:

6.1) Clarify the condo in writing

Don’t leave it as:

“We bought it together; we’ll figure it out later.”

If you ever split and can’t talk calmly, it becomes major life drama.

Check documents:

• how ownership is structured

• what happens in different outcomes

If there’s no written agreement, discuss it while you still care about each other.
Not because you’re “sure you’ll break up,”
but because it’s risk management for both sides.

6.2) Strengthen your own financial system

No matter what your partner is like:

• have your own emergency fund (independent of anyone)

• invest/save long-term in your own name

• don’t blur all your money into shared funds

If the relationship goes well, it becomes the family foundation anyway.
If it doesn’t, you still have your own safety net.

6.3) Talk about money with “open heart + open data,” not just “teaching”

Switch from “let’s do budgeting” to:

• share how you grew up around money

• whether you’ve struggled

• what you fear about the future

• what kind of family you want

Then ask them without judgment:

• “How important is money for your future?”

• “Have you ever been deeply stressed about money?”

• “If your life 10 years from now looks exactly how you want, what does it look like?”

You might hear answers you’ve never heard.
And you might finally understand why they “don’t save.”

Then you can check again:

“Am I okay living with this person as they truly are, not as I wish they were?”

7) No fairytale ending: love alone is “not enough” if life goals are opposite directions

I’m not going to tell you:

“Love is enough; everything will magically work out.”

Because it won’t, unless both people genuinely move closer.

The truth is:

• If you want a partner who plans the future in a similar way, you have that right.

• If your partner wants a life of “work, spend, enjoy day by day, don’t stress about saving,” they also have that right.

The real problem isn’t who is “right” or “wrong.”
It’s whether you keep forcing the relationship even though you’re facing different directions.

You already feel:

“I keep looking ahead, but they don’t seem to be looking the same way.”

The question you must answer eventually is:

“Between staying with someone I love but worrying about money all the time,

versus hurting now and finding someone whose life strategy matches mine more—

which pain is more livable long-term?”

There’s no universally correct answer—only the one that fits you.

8) Closing: whichever path you choose, choose it without betraying yourself

If one day you decide to continue:

• continue with clarity

• make financial agreements explicit

• accept they may never be as strong a saver as you, and you must be okay with that to some extent

• stop being their “financial teacher,” and become a partner who can actually talk

But if one day you decide to stop:

• end it with respect

• don’t insult them as “someone who doesn’t care about the future” (they may just want a different kind of future)

• don’t insult yourself as “overthinking”

• simply accept:
  “We were better as lessons for each other than as lifelong partners.”

Whatever you choose, don’t let yourself get older and think:

“Back then I already knew we were heading different ways, but I stayed because I was afraid to start over.”

That is the biggest betrayal of yourself.

You’re 26–27.
It’s not too late to choose anything—
as long as you face reality directly,
both their reality,
and your own.

😊

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