Why did he change after the date?

 

Let’s talk about this:

Hello. I’m 25. Lately I’ve wanted to try dating and meeting new people, because in the past I only had one boyfriend and I’ve never really dated anyone. Now that I’m single, I want to broaden my world. 

I’m not “pretty,” but I’m average-looking—not bad. My friends say I lean more “cute” than “hot,” maybe because I’m small too (I’m under 160 cm). When I take photos, I do lighten the skin a little and slim the face a bit. I do some makeup too. 

When I post photos, a lot of people show interest, and sometimes I’m scared I won’t match the photos. I’m just afraid that people who approach me will expect me to look exactly like that. Some guys even compliment me like I’m beautiful, cute, have a good body—when I don’t think I’m beautiful. So I start wondering if I edit until it looks “too pretty” or something. 

I’ve gone on dates and most of them were okay, but some guys came in clearly hoping for “that kind of thing,” and I was like, once is enough. Another guy—I didn’t like him that much. But the most recent guy is the one that made me feel bad. He’s around my age. 

He messaged like he really liked me, really wanted to meet, wanted to take me to eat this and that, wanted me to give him a chance. After we talked for a while, I thought okay, let’s meet in real life. When we met, we went to eat. 

At first I couldn’t tell how he felt, but I knew he patted my head, and he reached like he was going to get water but then he put his arm around me like he was about to hug me, and he put his hand on my waist too. 

I was joking with him, talking funny stuff, but I didn’t touch him at all. After we finished eating, I said I’d call a taxi home because it would be very far if he took me. While I was in the car on the way back, he was typing on his phone nonstop. Before I got home, he told me, “Let me know when you arrive,” and I told him. 

After that I said, “Next time I’ll treat you back,” and he said okay. Then I didn’t message him because I didn’t know if he even wanted to talk. After about a day, he unfollowed me and also removed me from following him. 

So I got stressed—was I not matching my photos, or did I do something wrong? It made me feel like if I go on the next date, I won’t feel confident. But I also think: if I didn’t match my photos, would he pat my head and do those things? But I don’t know. 

So I keep thinking like, what was the reason? But I’m not heartbroken because I didn’t like him that much—it’s more like I feel bad, like did I do something wrong or am I not matching my photos. 

I want to know what men think, or people with similar experiences—what do you think he likely felt in a case like this?

Here’s how I see it:

Let me set the scene first.

That night, you’re sitting there scrolling your phone, looking at your own Instagram. The photo you posted shows clear skin, slightly lighter tone, a slightly slimmer face—good lighting, good angle, everything looks fine.

Then you scroll… and you see the notification:

❌ XX unfollowed you

It’s the guy you just went on a date with a few days ago.
The guy who messaged like he really wanted to know you.
The guy who patted your head, held your waist, acted like he was totally into you.

And then—suddenly—he disappears.
No drama at the dinner table. No harsh words. Nothing obvious.

It ends with: “Let me know when you get home.”

You told him.
And then silence… and an unfollow button.

It doesn’t hurt like heartbreak, but it’s so disappointing.

Disappointing in that exact way:

“What did I do wrong?”

“Was I not matching my photos?”

“Or was I just… meh to him?”

First—without hyping you up:

Feeling “bummed” like this is completely normal.

You’re not overthinking.

But if you interpret this as:

“I’m not good enough,”

or

“I shouldn’t date anymore,”

that’s where it starts getting dangerous.

So let’s break it down piece by piece—what could have happened,
both from his side, and from your side too (because I do need to reality-check you a little).

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1) Let’s unpack the whole situation—what actually happened?

Let’s lay it out as a clear timeline:

• You’re 25, newly single, and you want to explore and date new people.

• Your social media photos are edited a bit:
• slightly lighter skin
• slightly slimmer face
• good angles and lighting

• So you get a lot of attention. Some guys come in clearly wanting sex → you cut them off (that’s very good).

• The most recent guy:
• messaged like he really liked you
• wanted to meet, wanted to take you out
• asked you to “give him a chance”
• You talked for a while and decided to meet in real life.

• On the date:
• you ate together, the atmosphere was okay

• he started touching:

• patting your head
• reaching like to get water, then putting his arm around you like he was about to hug you
• putting his hand on your waist

• you joked and kept the conversation fun, but you didn’t touch him at all

• After eating:
• you said you’d take a taxi because it would be too far for him to drive you

• In the car:
• he was typing on his phone a lot
• he said “Let me know when you arrive”
• you told him
• you also said “Next time I’ll treat you back” and he said okay

• After that:
• you didn’t text him because you didn’t know if he wanted to talk

• About a day later:
• he unfollowed you
• and removed you as his follower too

It ends with silence.
No “post-date review.”

Just unfollow—leaving you stuck thinking:

“Was I not matching my photos?”

“Did I mess something up?”

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2) From an outsider’s view: what his behavior suggests

2.1 He liked the “version in his head” of you—more than he knew the real you

The way he came in strong—“I really like you, I want to meet, I want to take you here and there”—says something clearly:

He was into your screen version.

Your posted photos (even if lightly edited) + the fantasy he added in his mind.

He’s not wrong for being attracted through photos.
You’re not wrong for lightly editing photos.
But you need to understand: a lot of men fall in love with their own mental movie more than the real person.

So the day you met became a “expectation test” for him too—
and you had no idea what his expectations even looked like.

2.2 The head pat / waist touch = how he framed the date in his mind

On the first date, he:

• patted your head

• tried to put his arm around you

• touched your waist

That kind of physical contact on a first date can point to two main things:

1. He’s very “confident about access” to you.
First meeting, but he feels entitled to touch.

2. He’s using physical touch to test chemistry fast.
He’s more “physical vibe” than “slow emotional reading.”

This doesn’t automatically mean “bad guy.”

But it does suggest he tests physical closeness quickly—faster than some people would prefer.

2.3 Him being glued to his phone in the car = he started pulling away already

On the way back:

• he typed constantly

• he wasn’t focused on you much

• it ended with a standard line: “Let me know when you arrive.”

This reads like:

He wasn’t in the “Wow, I’m impressed, I want to keep talking” mode.

He might even have been checking other chats too (I’m being blunt).
Or he already felt “This isn’t as wow as I expected,” and he began pulling away internally.

2.4 Unfollowing within a little over a day = a pretty clear “I don’t want to continue”

If the date went really well, normally:

• he wouldn’t cut contact that fast

• at worst he’d reply less, slowly fade—not immediately unfollow

Unfollow is a stronger message:

“I don’t want to continue, and I don’t want to keep seeing your life either.”

So—straight like a friend:

His behavior looks like someone who “cuts fast.”

Which usually means he wasn’t emotionally invested to begin with.
He was more invested in his expectation than in the real person across the table.

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3) Was it because you were “not matching your photos”?

Your biggest question is:

“Was I not matching my photos?”

“If I wasn’t matching, would he pat my head and touch my waist like that?”

The direct answer:

It’s possible your real-life look wasn’t exactly what he imagined 100%.
But that does not mean you’re ugly or “bad,”
and it’s not automatically your fault.

Let’s separate it clearly:

3.1 Edited photos vs real life is normal in this era

You said you edit like:

• slightly lighter skin

• slightly smaller face
• 
  
• Not “a whole different person.”

This is normal today.
Any man with a functioning brain knows social photos are somewhat edited.
No sensible person expects someone to look exactly like a filter from every angle in real life.

If he expected that, either:

• he’s delusional, or

• he chooses to ignore reality.

3.2 If you were “catfishing hard,” he likely wouldn’t touch you at all

When someone’s photos and real life are extremely different, many men will:

• stay polite but avoid touching

• try to end the date quickly

• then fade after

But in your case:

he touched your head and waist.

That suggests he still found you attractive at least to some degree.

So if you’re asking “Was it so different that he couldn’t accept it?”
Most likely: no.

3.3 More likely: you weren’t “wow like his fantasy,” even if you were still cute

This is the most common scenario.

He built a fantasy version from your photos.

He met the real you and thought:

“Yeah she’s cute… but not the level of wow my brain promised me.”

Some guys who chase fantasy hard will pull away quickly if reality isn’t “better than the fantasy.”

And here’s the key:

That’s not a judgment of your worth.
That’s a judgment of his immaturity and expectation addiction.

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4) Now let’s talk about your side—your blind spots, honestly

I’m not blaming you as “the main cause,” but there are a few things you should notice.

4.1 Your photos are not the biggest issue—your self-worth is

You said:

• you don’t think you’re beautiful

• you worry you won’t match your photos

• when he unfollows, you immediately think: “It must be because I’m not matching.”

That shows something deeper:

You don’t fully trust that your “real version” is enough.
So when someone leaves, your brain automatically grabs the first explanation:

“I’m not good enough.”

But it could have been:

• no chemistry

• mismatch in vibe

• he had other options

• he’s just flaky

So the reality-check:

Editing photos isn’t the real problem.
Letting random men’s reactions control your self-esteem is.

4.2 After the date, you didn’t text at all because you were scared

You said:

• you told him “Next time I’ll treat you”

• he said okay

• then you didn’t message because you didn’t know if he wanted to talk

This is a pattern to watch:

You gave him all the power to decide “do we talk or not,”
and you sat there guessing.

But the truth is:

If you wanted to continue, you had the right to send one simple message.

If he responded warmly → you’d know.
If he didn’t → you’d also know.

Without that, you have zero real data—only guessing and stressing.

You could’ve sent something as simple as:

“Thanks for today 😊 I got home safe.”

Then you’d see his reaction clearly.

Not texting isn’t “wrong,” but it leaves you stuck with uncertainty, and then you blame yourself.

4.3 Physical boundaries: you’re allowed to set them clearly

He touched your head and waist.
You didn’t touch him, but you also didn’t stop him.

This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.

But it’s useful to check yourself:

Were you actually okay with it, or were you just being polite?

Some men interpret “no pushback” as “she’s okay with physical escalation.”

If you’re not okay, you can set boundaries lightly but clearly, like:

“Don’t grab my waist, I get shy 😂”

(and shift slightly away)

That’s not rude. That’s self-respect.

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5) What a guy like him may have been thinking (most likely)

We can’t read his mind, but from the pattern, three common possibilities:

5.1 He simply wasn’t as interested as he thought he would be

Before meeting: big hype from photos and imagination.
After meeting: “She’s okay, but not enough for me to continue.”
So he cut it quickly.

5.2 He wanted faster “physical chemistry,” and felt you didn’t match his pace

He moved physically.
You kept it friendly and funny but didn’t return touch.

Some men interpret that as:

“She’s not into me,” or “the physical vibe isn’t there.”

That doesn’t mean you were wrong.
It means your pacing didn’t match.

5.3 He’s dating multiple people and you were one option

This is common in modern dating:

• he chats with several people

• meets them

• continues with the one he’s most excited about

• cuts the rest quickly

It feels brutal, but it’s the reality of app/social dating culture.

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6) So how should you conclude this in your head?

Friend-to-friend, bluntly:

He probably did not think you were “ugly” or “catfishing hard,”
because if he did, he wouldn’t have touched you like that.

What’s more likely:

• the chemistry didn’t match

• you weren’t the fantasy-level wow he built up

• or your pace about closeness didn’t match his

• and he’s the type who cuts fast instead of communicating like an adult

This is not a “life case file.”
It’s a small lesson in your dating world.

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7) What you can do next time (step-by-step)

7.1 Photos: keep them, but balance them closer to real life

Don’t stop editing.

Just make the “screen vs real” gap smaller:

• keep your best photos

• also include a story or pic with more natural lighting/angles

• include at least one full-body shot that reflects real proportions

Not to please men—
to prevent you from feeling anxious every time you meet someone.

7.2 Mindset: getting “cut” is part of dating

Dating is like interviewing:

You can do everything right and still not be chosen—because they want a different type.

That doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
It means you’re not their match.

7.3 Stop the “waiting game”

If you enjoyed the date, send one short message after:

“Thanks for today 😊 I got home safe.”

Then you’ll get real information:

• good response = continue

• cold/none = move on

No more guessing. No more self-blame without data.

7.4 Practice boundaries for physical touch

If you don’t like it, say it kindly and clearly.
Men who respect you will adjust.
Men who don’t—filter themselves out early (which is a win).

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8) Final reality-check

This situation does not prove “you’re not good enough.”
It proves “he’s not the kind of man you should use to measure your worth.”

He:

• got excited fast

• tested physical contact fast

• disappeared fast

• avoided communicating like an adult

You:

• are brave enough to explore after only having one boyfriend

• have standards (you cut off guys who only wanted sex)

• but you’re too quick to blame yourself and let strangers steer your self-esteem

If you take this as a turning point to say:

“Next time I’ll date without betraying myself— I’ll keep my boundaries, keep my self-worth, and stop letting one unfollow shake my confidence,”

Then even a disappointing unfollow becomes a useful lesson.

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