What would you do if a coworker “tests” your friendship by borrowing money from you?

 

Let’s talk about this:

 There was a new person who transferred to our workplace. Since he worked there, he was naturally considered a coworker. Because we were around the same age, we often went out for lunch together and gradually got to know him more. He seemed like an ordinary person—not rich, but not really struggling either. He once told me that he didn’t really have many friends, that he had very few of them, even though he seemed like someone who could talk well and was quite reasonable. At the time, I found that a bit strange.

After we’d known each other for about three months, he sent me a Line message asking to borrow a certain amount of money, saying he needed to pay for a car repair and didn’t have enough money. He said he would pay me back as soon as his salary came in. So I transferred him the money. I thought, since we knew each other and it wasn’t a huge amount, if I could help, then I’d help.

When payday came, he did return the money to me. I thought that would be the end of it, that the situation was over and done with. But sometime after that—quite recently, actually—he said to me that whenever he’s going to be close to someone, whether it’s a friend or a coworker, he will look at whether that person can help him and show generosity toward him in times of need.

He then went on to say something along the lines of: when he’s in trouble and that person can’t help him, he won’t waste his life spending time with them. Because even if he continues the relationship, those people won’t help him with anything anyway, which is no different from not having any friends at all.

After hearing that, I was no longer surprised why he’d said he didn’t really have many friends. I felt extremely uncomfortable with that kind of attitude. At first I thought of him as just another coworker I got along with. But after experiencing this, I almost don’t even want to go have lunch with him anymore.

If you guys met someone like this, would you continue being friends with them—or stop?

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Here’s how I see it : 

Alright… come sit closer.

This kind of situation is not small at all.
It hits something deep in the human heart.

⭐ At first, you thought you’d met just a normal coworker… but it turned into “testing friendship through borrowing money.”

Your story starts out like the first chapter of an office novel that a lot of people might find familiar.
You have a new coworker—similar age, easy to talk to, decently polite.
Nothing seemed off at first.

You didn’t see him as a stranger.
Not as a beggar.
Not as someone asking for bail money.

He was “a coworker who seemed okay.”
So you gave him a reasonable level of trust.
You had lunch together, talked, and got to know each other at a comfortable pace.
Not too intense, not fake, and not forcing closeness.

And then the day came—
the day he borrowed money.

And we have to admit…
you responded like someone kind, mature, and emotionally stable.

You lent him the money not because you wanted something in return,
not because you wanted to prove anything about yourself,
but simply because you thought:

“He’s in trouble. I can help. So I’ll help.”

It was very straightforward.
That actually shows you’re a high-quality person.

But the real bomb…
dropped after that.

⭐ The conversation that made “everything a little too clear.”

When he said:

“He chooses who to be close to based on whether they can help him or not.”

“If people can’t help him when he’s in trouble, he won’t waste time on them.”

“A friend is someone who must help when he’s in need.”

Those words weren’t just “casual opinions.”
They were a declaration of his stance on every relationship in his life.

He was basically saying:

• He views relationships in terms of benefit.
• He chooses people based on how useful they are.
• He measures friendship by the advantage he gains.
• He doesn’t see friends as “friends,”
  but as backup resources.

It’s no surprise he said he doesn’t really have many friends.

Because people who think this way…

will never be able to maintain genuine relationships.

You know what?
What you did that day—lending him money—proved that you are a good person.
But what he said afterward—proved that he is someone you should be cautious of.

This is not “judging too quickly.”
This is his actual behavior,
his actual words,
his actual mindset,
which he expressed himself.

And in human relationships,
words often reveal the core mindset much more accurately than one-off actions.

⭐ Is borrowing money really a test of sincerity? Not really… It’s more like testing whether you can be a “target.”

Some people—especially those who grew up in environments that taught them
that “taking advantage of others = survival”—
often use this method as a filter to see “who they can rely on in tough times.”

The problem is…

They’re not really checking who is kind-hearted.
They’re checking who will let themselves be used repeatedly.

It’s a scan to find someone they can benefit from,
while lying to themselves by calling it “testing friendship.”

In reality…

The person who helps them today—
if they don’t help again in the future—
will be cut off.

And the reasoning will be dressed up nicely as:
“Spending time with them isn’t worth it. They don’t help.
Having them around is no different from having no friends.”

This is a transactional relationship in its purest form.

It’s not friendship.
It’s a give-and-take contract where,

if you stop giving,
your qualification as a “friend” expires.

You know what this is?
This isn’t friendship.
This is an “unwritten financial and emotional agreement” that you never signed.

⭐ People like this don’t really want friends… they want supporters.

Picture this:
You’re in a relay team,
but there’s one person who…
never passes the baton to anyone else,
yet expects everyone to pass theirs to him.

That kind of person doesn’t want a “team.”
They want carriers to help drag them to the finish line.

And if someone doesn’t help?
He says exactly what he told you:

“It’s not worth spending time with them. They’re useless.”

Harsh?
Yes.
But you heard it directly from him—he really thinks that way.

⭐ So should you still be friends with him? Or keep your distance?

Friend… I’m going to answer this with both corporate-level clarity
and the honesty of someone who truly cares about you:

You can stay on good terms with him as a coworker,
but you should not let him step into the inner circle of your life.

Why?

1. He views friendship as “one-way benefit.”

This kind of person will drain you over time.
You’ll constantly have to prove yourself,
and he will expect your help again and again.

2. He makes you “pay” to maintain the relationship.

You helped him once.
That makes it easier for him to ask again.
Because now he knows:

• You are kind
• You are considerate
• You don’t want conflict
• You value harmony
• You protect relationships more than you protect yourself

3. He doesn’t really see “you” — he sees your “usefulness.”

This is just as toxic as someone who only ever talks to you when they need a favor,
but tries to frame it as “proof of closeness.”

4. His mindset explains perfectly why he has few friends.

His words are a confession that
he does not understand the true depth of friendship
and equates friendship = usefulness.

People who think like that
will eventually find themselves surrounded only by people who either use them back
or walk away quietly.

5. Your current discomfort is already your answer.

Your feeling of “this is not okay at all”
doesn’t come from prejudice.
It comes from a real red flag.

Your gut instinct is not lying.

⭐ So what should you do next? — Here’s the playbook I’d hand you.

1) Keep a polite distance (Professional Distance).

You don’t need to run away, hate him, or treat him coldly.
But you do need clear boundaries.

You can:

• Eat lunch together sometimes
• Talk at work
• Be friendly

But:

• Don’t open up deeper
• Don’t let him into your personal space

2) Do not lend money again—no matter what the reason is.

There is almost zero chance he will fully understand your refusal,
because in his mind, relationships = help in times of need.

You’ve already lent him money once.
There should not be a second time.
Because the second time is where the pattern really starts.

3) Reframe him as “a polite coworker, not an inner-circle friend.”

Like someone who sits at a nearby desk.
You can chat,
but you don’t have to invest your heart.

4) If he brings up “testing friendship” again, you can say this:

“I think helping each other depends on the situation.
I don’t want anyone to suffer because of me either.”

Say it calmly.
He’ll get the message that you are not someone he can easily exploit.

5) Let him continue choosing friends that way… just not you.

People like him learn only from consequences,
not from advice.

You don’t have to be the person who teaches him life lessons.
You don’t need to be his emotional or financial ATM.

⭐ And if we zoom out: What does this situation teach you? Why do you feel so strongly against his attitude?

Friend… I want you to see beyond just “I don’t like his mindset.”
Because this isn’t just annoyance.

It’s your inner wisdom warning you that
he could be harmful to your emotional wellbeing in the long run.

Why his words hit you so hard:

• You respect genuine relationships.
• You value friendship based on feeling, not benefit.
• You helped him from the heart, not to earn his approval.
• When he revealed that mindset, you realized you were being seen as a resource.
• You sensed he didn’t see you as a “friend.”
• You felt devalued.
• You don’t want to be used.
• You felt like he didn’t understand your humanity at all.

And the most painful part is…

You had just lent him money out of trust,
and he turned around and basically announced
that yes—he really does choose people based on things like that.

It’s like you just gave him a cake,
and while eating it he says:

“I befriend people because they give me cakes like this.”

It strips all meaning from your original act of kindness.

⭐ From friend to friend… here’s what I honestly want you to know.

You’re someone who gives from the heart.
You deserve friendships that give back, not just take more.

People like him…
will keep having people come and go.
Because their mindset is a leak in the boat of every relationship.
They can’t keep anyone long-term.
Not because they’re purely evil,
but because they still don’t understand what “friend” really means.

As for you…

You don’t have to stay in his story.
You don’t have to be part of his life lesson.
You don’t need to be the person who sticks around until he changes.

You have the right to choose friends who make you feel safe
and valued.

⭐ Let’s wrap this up like a manager in a meeting.

He borrowed money. That’s not inherently wrong.

You lent with kindness. That’s not wrong either.

He returned the money as promised. Good.

But his words afterward = a giant red flag.

Clear recommendation:

✔ You can remain colleagues.
✔ You can work together.
✔ You can have lunch sometimes (but not too often).
✔ Don’t share too much personal information.
✔ Don’t emotionally invest heavily.
✔ And from today on, have a strict No Lending Policy.

Because any “friendship” that demands money as proof
is not friendship.

It’s a transaction
without a receipt.

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#WorkFriendship #BorrowingMoney #FinancialBoundaries #ToxicMindset #HealthyBoundaries #CoworkerDynamics #OfficeRelationships #ChooseYourFriendsWisely