I’d like some advice on how to deal with a coworker who talks to me like crap.

Let’s talk about this:

I started working at a company—we’ll say this senior coworker’s name is A.

During the first week, A talked to me really nicely. When he was training me, he’d crack jokes all the time. After work, he’d often invite me out for drinks, but I politely declined.

In weeks 2–3, I started noticing that the way A talked to me had changed. He started using really rough language with me, raising his voice all the time.

Whenever new tasks came in, I’d ask him,
“Hey, how do I do this one?”

But the answer I’d get was something like:

“How the hell would I know? Go ask the boss!”
“Why the hell aren’t you doing this first?”
“Why the hell aren’t you doing it like this?”

I was really confused.

It’s not like I’d overstepped, acted too familiar, or joked around with him too much. When I spoke to him, I always talked respectfully, like:

“Hey man, could you set this up for me?”
“How do I handle this task?”
“Once I’m done with this part, what should I do next?”

I’m confident I’ve never spoken to him disrespectfully.
And I don’t even dare talk back.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

---

Here’s how I see it : 

Get ready… because this is going to show you that you’re not “weak,” you’re not “overthinking.”
You just ran into a type of person a lot of companies have—
but no one really warns you about.

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⭐ Chapter 1 — Where did this start? The moment you began thinking: “What the hell is going on?”

You join a new company—
that’s normal.

You meet a senior coworker named A—
also normal.

What’s not normal is how brutally this guy flipped on you.

At the beginning, he was super nice to you:

• Spoke kindly
• Made jokes
• Made you feel like, “Okay… maybe this company isn’t so bad.”

After work, he’d invite you out for drinks.
He presented himself as the cool, supportive senior “looking out for the new guy.”

You were polite—you turned him down nicely, no attitude.

You:

• Used respectful language
• Respected his seniority
• Weren’t cocky
• Weren’t confrontational
• Didn’t joke around too much
• Didn’t cross any lines

Everything was… “too nice,” almost.

Then in weeks 2–3…
suddenly, he switched modes:

• Talked down to you
• Raised his voice
• Used harsh, demeaning language
• Stopped actually helping you with your work
• Answered your questions with sharp, dismissive comments
• Pushed you off onto the boss instead

Then turned around and complained like:

“Why the hell don’t you know anything?”

You’re confused.
You’re stunned.
You’re looking around like:

“What the fuck did I do wrong?”

And you know you didn’t overstep.
You weren’t too casual.
You weren’t rude.
You weren’t acting like you knew better than him.

But he still went from “nice big bro”
to “full-on jerk”
for no clear reason.

This right here, my friend…
is exactly the kind of problem that tons of new hires run into—
but no one really tells you about it beforehand.

---

⭐ Chapter 2 — Before we answer “What should you do?” we need to decode what kind of person A is.

To help you survive this,
we have to start with some uncomfortable truths—
things he might be hiding under all that behavior.

And let me tell you…
this A guy you’re dealing with fits a very familiar pattern in a lot of offices.
He’s practically an archetype.

Let me break it down for you,
step by step,
until you’re like:

“Ohhhhhh, that’s what the hell this is.”

---

⭐ Type A #1: “The fake nice guy” (Initial Grooming Phase)

In the beginning, A was really nice to you.
Why?

Not necessarily because he’s a good person.
But because he was grooming you.

What’s grooming in the workplace?

It’s when someone builds an image of:

• “Hey, I’m a good guy.”
• “I take care of you.”
• “I’m your buddy.”
• “You can rely on me.”

All so you’ll:

• Trust him
• See him as an ally
• Feel like you owe him
• Be more willing to follow him later

People like this often start with:

• Jokes
• Being super friendly
• Inviting you to lunch
• Inviting you to drink
• Bringing you into their “circle”
• Getting close way too fast

Once you’re attached to that “good guy” image in the beginning,
you’re more likely to tolerate his crappy behavior later,
and you’ll hesitate to push back.

That’s grooming—
workplace edition.

---

⭐ Type A #2: “Wanted to be the big bro, got pissed when you didn’t play along”

After you politely declined his invites to go drinking,
he might’ve felt:

“Damn… this kid isn’t playing my game.”

Because some seniors think inviting juniors out for drinks is how they “buy loyalty”—

• It makes you feel like you owe them
• It puts them in the power position
• It turns you into “their guy”
• It makes it easier for them to “manage” you later

But you politely declined.
You didn’t go.

So he might’ve interpreted it as:

• “This kid’s acting too good for me.”
• “Does he not respect me?”
• “I went out of my way to invite him and he didn’t come?”
• “Who the hell does he think he is?”

In reality, you were perfectly polite.
But people with huge egos?
They don’t want peers.
They want followers.

---

⭐ Type A #3: “The ego-driven senior who always has to be on top”

This kind of person lives by the mindset:

“I came first = I’m automatically superior.”

They have to set the power dynamic as:

• I command, you execute
• I’m smart, you’re clueless
• I know, you don’t
• I’m big, you’re small
• I raise my voice, you shut up
• I can be rude, you have to stay polite

He doesn’t train you to genuinely help you.
He trains you to remind you that he’s above you.

So when you ask:

“Hey, how do I do this?”

He feels:

• Burdened
• Annoyed
• “Why the hell do I have to babysit you?”

You become a chore, not a teammate.
So he starts snapping at you.

He doesn’t see you as a “junior colleague.”
He sees you as extra work.

---

⭐ Type A #4: “Fake nice on the surface, deeply toxic underneath”

Some people at work are exactly like this:

• Nice at first
• Hostile later
• Snaps easily
• Uses harsh language
• Makes snide remarks
• Gets passive-aggressive
• Talks down to you
• Runs on pure emotion

This is your classic toxic adult,
and every company has at least one.

They usually choose to unload their crap on new hires
because new hires can’t fight back.

You’re not his first target.
You’re just the latest person in his cycle.

---

⭐ Chapter 3 — So where did you go wrong? (Answer from someone who’s actually on your side)

You didn’t.
Not even a little.
Zero percent.

Everything you did:

• Polite
• Non-confrontational
• Respectful
• You asked about work in a proper way
• You used respectful language
• You didn’t act overly familiar
• You didn’t reject him rudely
• You behaved like a well-mannered new employee

The problem is not you.
The problem is his personality and ego.

You’ve already done the best a new hire could do.

Some people…
no matter how good you are to them,
they’re still going to be toxic.

That’s not your fault.
That’s his character.

---

⭐ Chapter 4 — Why did he start talking down and raising his voice?

This is about power display.
He’s marking territory.

This is a primitive dominance tactic some people use on those they see as weaker.

He’s sending you a message, without saying it directly:

• “I’m above you.”
• “You listen when I talk.”
• “Don’t you dare act like you’re on my level.”
• “I can unload on you whenever I want.”
• “I don’t owe you basic respect.”

It’s his way of asserting dominance.

He does it because you don’t argue.
You’re polite.
You’re calm.
You’re a decent human being.

And people like him?
They pick on the ones who are gentle.

You’re not weak.
You’re respectful.

But someone like A will read that as:

“This kid is easy to push around.”

So he uses that tone on you.

---

⭐ Chapter 5 — So what should you do? Here’s a 100% usable strategy.

I’ll give you both:

• Long-term strategy (how to deal with him overall)
• Short-term strategy (what to do in the moment)

So you can actually use this tomorrow.

---

⭐ STRATEGY 1: Build an “energy wall” like an adult (Boundary of Tone)

You don’t have to argue.
You don’t have to shout back.
You don’t have to create drama.

You just need to shift your energy when he talks to you like crap.

Example:

A:

“How the hell would I know? Go ask the boss!”

You (in the calmest voice possible):

“Got it. Thanks.”

And that’s it.

• No emotion
• No defensiveness
• No hurt tone

Cut the interaction short with calmness.

Don’t show that you’re offended.
Don’t try to justify yourself.
Don’t explain.

That calm, flat response tells him:

“I’m not your emotional toy.”

---

⭐ STRATEGY 2: Treat him as “just a coworker.” Not a mentor. Not a big bro. Not your owner.

Which means:

✔ No unnecessary small talk

✔ Don’t rely on him for every work question

✔ Don’t soak up his moods

✔ Don’t come to him for personal advice

✔ Don’t chase his approval

You want your energy to say:

“We work in the same place. That’s it.”

People like him slowly lose interest in targeting you
when they realize they can’t stir you up.

---

⭐ STRATEGY 3: Reduce how often you ask him for help.

He’s not willing or suitable to train you anyway.

Start:

• Asking other coworkers
• Checking documentation
• Asking your manager directly

It sends him a clear signal:

“You don’t control whether I can function here.”

People like A absolutely hate realizing you don’t depend on them.

---

⭐ STRATEGY 4: When he speaks harshly, answer with corporate professionalism.

Example:

A:

“Why the hell aren’t you doing this one first?”

You:

“Got it. I’ll double-check the priorities with the manager so I follow the right order.”

This one line is lethal—in a good way.

Dropping “manager” into the sentence is like hitting a reset button.
Most toxic coworkers instantly dial down
once they realize you’re willing to align directly with higher-ups.

---

⭐ STRATEGY 5: Don’t eat with him. Don’t hang out. Don’t overshare.

You can be polite,
but distant.

Your actions should say:

“I respect you as a coworker, but we are not close.”

That invisible boundary is powerful.

---

⭐ STRATEGY 6: Quietly build your own network.

Get to know:

• Other coworkers
• People from nearby teams
• Junior managers
• HR reps
• Seniors who are actually decent humans

Once you have your own network,
people like A usually calm down—
because guys like him care a lot about reputation.

He won’t risk looking like an asshole in front of everyone
if he knows you’re not isolated.

---

⭐ STRATEGY 7: Stop thinking “because I’m new, I have to endure everything.”

This mindset has destroyed so many new hires.

You have the right to:

• Be spoken to respectfully
• Be given real guidance
• Not be yelled at
• Not be cursed at
• Not be humiliated

Your politeness is not a weakness.
It’s a strength.

Don’t let someone like A make you feel smaller because of it.

---

⭐ Chapter 6 — The most important truth you need to know

My friend…
You’re not just dealing with “someone who talks a bit harshly.”

You’re dealing with a grown-ass adult who never learned to be an actual grown-up.

What he does is not your fault.
It’s who he is.

He’s going to treat every new hire like this.
You’re not special.
You’re just next in line.

So please—
stop tying this to:

“What did I do wrong?”

You didn’t fuck up.

You did everything right.
The only thing you need to adjust
is how you respond to people like him—
not who you are as a person.

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⭐ Chapter 7 — Summary, from a friend who’s really on your side

You’ve already done your best.

You’re not weak.
You’re not wrong.
You’re not disrespectful.
You didn’t misstep.

You just ran into someone who is:

• Toxic
• Ego-driven
• Controlling through emotion
• Obsessed with dominance
• Upset when people don’t play the role he wrote for them

What you should do now:

✔ Stay calm

✔ Stay polite—but not submissive

✔ Put up a quiet boundary

✔ Keep your distance

✔ Ask him for help only when absolutely necessary

✔ Align with your manager when needed

✔ Give him zero emotional reactions

✔ Don’t try to win him over

✔ Don’t let him step all over you anymore

You’ll know it’s working
when his attitude toward you starts to cool down—
not because he grew up,
but because he finally realizes:

You’re not his emotional punching bag.

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