Do disabled people have no right to choose anything for themselves?

Let’s talk about this:

I’m 31 years old, single, (I follow a certain religion), and I have a slight walking disability. If you don’t look closely, you wouldn’t notice it. I can ride a motorbike on my own, go places by myself, take care of myself, and I have a job.

Last week, someone came to “see me” for a potential marriage. And the guy said he liked me (he came with the person who introduced us first). And if I liked him back, he wanted his family to come and see me as well, to see if his family would approve. If his elders agreed, they would proceed with a marriage proposal.

But I am the one who doesn’t like him. He’s someone the elders introduced to me, and I turned him down because I truly don’t have feelings for him. (He’s in his mid-30s.)

But my family is telling me to marry him, because I’m getting older, and he’s a good man, very devoted in religion, someone who could certainly be a good head of the household and someone I could rely on.

My heart, however, doesn’t like him. I told my family honestly.

But then relatives and an aunt next door said things like: if I don’t accept and marry this man, I’m very stupid, because who would ever like someone disabled like me? Having someone come to see me, having the chance to get married is already such a blessing. How could that man even like a woman like this? They talk like… I shouldn’t be too picky…

So I want to ask:

Do disabled people have no right to choose the person we like, the person we love, the person we want to spend our lives with?

Why do they talk about me like this? Is it only “normal” people who are allowed to choose?

If I don’t like him and I reject him, that’s my right too, isn’t it?

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Here’s how I see it : 

Okay… listen to me first, my friend ❤️

This isn’t just about “whether disabled people have the right to choose or not” —
it’s about “the dignity of being human,” entirely.

And let me say this clearly… my answer is:

“You have every right — 100%. ”
Not just the right to choose — but the right to “refuse what isn’t right for you” with your head held high.

Let’s talk like best friends,
the way I want you to be able to vent and also hear words that aren’t sugar-coated or pretty,
but true.

I’m going to talk about everything:
your heart, your family, and what it means to stand in a world that is often cruel to those who don’t fit the standards that society has set.

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🧭 1. Start here — “The right to choose” does not depend on your body

First of all… you must remember one thing:

The right to choose a life partner is not reserved only for people who can walk normally.
It is the right of “any human being who has a heart.”

Do you have a heart?
Do you have feelings?
Do you have a desire to love and be loved?

If yes — then you have the same right to choose as anyone else.

Being “disabled” does not mean:

• you’ve lost your right to love,
• you must accept whoever happens to like you,
• or that you should feel “grateful” just because someone is interested.

You are a human being — with thoughts, with a life, with capabilities, with value.

You are not leftover goods,
and not some “discount item” that anyone can just pick up whenever they want.

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💥 2. The real problem: not “disability,” but “society’s distorted beliefs”

The most painful part of your story isn’t just what your relatives said.

It’s that so many people in our society hold this idea in their heads:

“Disabled people = people who should accept anything that comes their way.”

That’s more frightening than any wound or illness.

Listen — our world is still full of ableist standards
that see disabled people as “lucky” if anyone shows interest in them at all.

But once you say “no,” suddenly you become:

• “ungrateful,”
• “too picky,”
• or “not knowing what’s good for you.”

When in truth, all you’re doing is refusing to lie to your own heart.

And your courage — to say,

“I don’t like him,”

that is not stubbornness.

It’s honesty with yourself —
something many so-called “adults” have long forgotten how to have.

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💔 3. When society turns love into duty

Have you noticed how people often say:

“He’s a good man, just marry him. You’ll grow to love him.”

But no one stops to ask:

“Will you be happy?”

The phrase “he’s a good man” has become a magic stamp used to shut down all arguments.

But goodness alone doesn’t make a marriage last.

Love is the connection of two hearts, not an exchange of obligation.

Think about it:
If you agree to marry him under pressure,

and one day you wake up in bed next to someone you don’t love —
how will you feel?

You might be a person who performs the “duties” of a wife very well,
but deep inside, you’ll know:

“I traded away my own self to satisfy other people.”

And that will slowly eat away at you,
like a fire that never goes out.

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🌱 4. People who say “don’t be too choosy” are usually not the ones who have to live that life

Relatives, aunties, neighbors,
all these people talk very easily —

because they are not the ones who have to live with that man.

They don’t have to wake up every morning in a relationship without real happiness.
They don’t have to endure the feeling of “I don’t love this person”
day after day.

Yet they are trying to force you
to live with that reality for the rest of your life.

Let’s be blunt: you don’t need to be angry at them.

They simply don’t understand.

They look at the world from their own viewpoint, not from yours.

They don’t see:

• your capabilities,
• that you can work,
• ride your motorcycle by yourself,
• live your life independently.

All they see is the word “disabled,”
and from that they assume you must cling to anyone who would “take you.”

But what you do every day is proof that you are
far stronger than they think.

And you have every right to say:

“I’m not going to accept this, because my heart doesn’t feel it.”

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🧠 5. “Disability” does not reduce your value — it deepens your understanding of life

I want you to see another side of this:

What you have now is a depth of life experience that many people don’t.

People who’ve gone through pain, who’ve had to struggle with physical limitations,
often understand the meaning of “true love” more deeply than those who’ve never had to fight for anything.

Because you know that…

Real love isn’t just about passion or excitement.

It’s about standing by someone, even on days when nothing is perfect.

So if you love someone in the future,
you won’t love them out of loneliness or pressure,
but out of real understanding.

And that’s the kind of love that lasts.

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💬 6. Things non-disabled people often don’t understand

So many people don’t realize how emotionally complex it is to be disabled.

Every time society looks at you with pity,
it’s like a reminder saying:

“You’re less than others.”

But you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

You already have.

Just by:

• living independently,
• riding your bike by yourself,
• working,
• following your faith,
• thinking for yourself,
• and standing by your own values —

that alone is more than enough
to justify choosing your life partner with full dignity.

Don’t let anyone tell you:

“You don’t get to choose because you’re disabled.”

It’s basically them saying:

“Your heart has no right to feel.”

And that… is one of the stupidest statements in the world.

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❤️ 7. Love = choosing, not just being chosen

Listen carefully, my friend.

You are not “lucky that someone likes you.”

The one who likes you is the one who’s lucky
to have met a woman like you.

Someone who’s walked through life as you have
will have:

• depth,
• resilience,
• emotional maturity

far more than many “perfectly able-bodied” people.

Whoever ends up with you
gains not just a lover,
but a life partner and a deep-thinking companion.

Don’t shrink your value
because of the shallow views of others.

You don’t need to “beg for love” from anyone.
You have every right to “choose whom to give your love to,” just like everyone else.

And you have every right to wait
until you find someone your heart genuinely says “yes” to.

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🧩 8. How do you deal with what people around you say?

I know how suffocating it is
to live in a society where everyone thinks they can speak on your behalf.

Here are three practical approaches I want to offer you:

(1) “Hear it, but don’t carry it into your heart”

You don’t have to respond to everything.
You don’t have to explain yourself to everyone.

Just recognize:

“They say this because they don’t understand,”

and then put it down.

When someone says:

“Don’t be too picky.”

You can give a small smile and say:

“I’m not being picky. I’m just choosing the right person.”

Say it calmly, not angry, not sarcastic.
Your calmness will shut them down more effectively than any argument.

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(2) “Remember that silence can be power too”

You don’t need to explain everything to people who are determined not to understand.

Sometimes saying nothing and simply living your life well
is the most powerful response.

One day, when you are successful in work,
surrounded by good friends,
living a life you chose,

all those hurtful comments will become
small, weightless noises in the background.

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(3) “Find a space where people truly get it”

There are many disabled people who have gone through the same thing as you.

You can join online communities or support groups for disabled folks,
share experiences,
and listen to theirs.

You’ll realize there are many hearts
who understand yours very deeply.

Being among people who value the same things as you
is one of the best medicines for the soul.

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🌤️ 9. Love is not something other people “grant permission” for

In a society that loves telling disabled people:

“Don’t dream too big,”

I want you to dream as big as you want.

Because love does not ask for physical perfection.

It asks for connection of souls.

And you know what?

There are so many people with “perfect bodies but crippled hearts” in this world.

But someone with a heart as strong as yours…
is rare.

So don’t let anyone downgrade your dreams.

Don’t let anyone tell you:

“Don’t be too choosy.”

Marriage isn’t like shopping at a street market.

It’s a long-term covenant between two lives
who have to share every single day together.

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✨ 10. Your future love will be worth more than anyone expects

One day, you’ll meet someone who doesn’t care how far you can walk.

They’ll care about how deeply you understand them.

They won’t look at you and see “disability.”

They’ll look at you and see:

“How powerful you are for having lived through all this.”

And that kind of love…
is the strongest kind —
because it’s built on understanding, not pity.

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🕊️ 11. Loving yourself = honoring your own life

What you’re doing right now —
having the courage to say no —
is honoring yourself.

And someone who can honor themselves
is someone who will be able to honor others in the future.

Don’t blame yourself for being “too demanding.”

Because if you forced yourself to marry without love,
that would be the true defeat.

Right now, you are choosing not to hurt yourself or him.

Because if you married him without love,
he would eventually feel it too —

and then everyone would be hurt.

Saying “no” now
is your bravery in stopping a bigger pain in the future.

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🔥 12. A few truths I want to leave with you, as your best friend

1️⃣ You don’t need to rush into finding love — love doesn’t expire.
2️⃣ Being single is not a failure. It’s waiting for the right person with dignity.
3️⃣ Don’t let the word “disabled” be used to limit your right to be happy.
4️⃣ Don’t be afraid of what people think, as long as you still know you have value.
5️⃣ And remember — the person who is right for you will see you “as a whole person,” not just as a body.

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🌻 13. Your life is still long and full of possibilities

You’re 31, right?

My friend… 31 is not “old.”
It’s actually the age where you start to truly understand yourself.

By now, you have:

• experience,
• understanding,
• patience,
• maturity.

This is the age where you’re ready to love with clarity,
not just because of pressure from society.

Don’t be afraid of time.

Time is not there to force you to “hurry up and get married.”

It’s there so you can build a life you are proud to live in.

And if that means waiting a little longer
to find someone who truly understands you,

then that’s far better than spending your whole life
with someone who isn’t right for you.

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🧭 14. A straight summary from a loving friend

You didn’t do anything wrong by rejecting a good man.

Because his goodness does not automatically equal “he is right for you.”

You are not ungrateful for not obeying your family in this.

Because being faithful to your own heart
is actually the highest form of honesty.

Don’t let anyone say:

“Disabled people don’t have the right to choose.”

Because anyone who says that
doesn’t understand that:

“The heart of a disabled person beats in the same rhythm as everyone else’s.”

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💌 15. A sentence I want you to remember for the rest of your life

You don’t need someone who sees the value of your “perfection.”
You need someone who sees the value of your truth.

The right person will not focus on “what you lack,”
but on “what you are full of.”

And one day…
you’ll look back on this episode and say to yourself:

“Thank you, me, for choosing my own heart that day.” 💖

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#DramoCiety #RightToLove #DisabledPeopleHaveHeartsToo #WeDeserveToChoose #LoveWithDignity #NotGratefulJustForBeingChosen #SelfWorth #RespectYourHeart