Cheated on again.

Let’s talk about this:

 Out of nowhere I felt like opening the app my boyfriend used to talk to other women on. I tried logging in on my own phone because I wanted to scroll back through the chats and see what kind of things he used to say to those girls.

But instead I got the “surprise” that he still hasn’t stopped his old behavior. He’s still messaging girls on that app and talking to several of them there — both calling and chatting.

Like I’ve mentioned before, he went to work in another province. While he was working away like that, he went and re-downloaded the app and started using it again, talking to women there, messaging more than ten of them, sometimes calling.

In all the free time he had, he was chatting, he was on the phone — but he never chatted with me, never called me, never asked if I was tired or if I’d eaten.

Yet with women he’s just met for a short moment, he’s so caring and concerned.

I’ve been lying to myself for so long that he would change. Lying to myself for so long that he loves me.

And today I’ve decided: I’m breaking up with this man who doesn’t know when enough is enough, and doesn’t understand the meaning of love.

Even as I’m typing this, I’m still thinking, am I dreaming? Is this really happening?

Right now the best thing I can do is accept it. Accept the truth of what has already happened.

I’m not his lover anymore.

Can I ask for a little encouragement, please? 🥲

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Here’s how I see it : 

Friend…
Come here first. Come sit right here beside me.

Today, you don’t have to be strong.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
You don’t have to force a smile.
And you don’t have to tell yourself, “It’s just a love thing.”

Because what you went through… isn’t about love.
It’s about being betrayed over and over again
by the person you love, the person you hoped would be the one to protect you most.

Today I’m not going to say “stay strong”
or “you’ll get over it”
or “time heals everything.”

I’m going to talk to you like a real friend at 2 a.m., sitting by your bed,
with enough clarity to catch every delicate piece of what you feel,
and enough honesty to tell you the truth… even when it hurts.

This is going to be very long — because your heart is shattered into pieces that are far too small for short phrases to fix.

And I want you to read something that actually holds your heart for real.

Ready, my friend…?
We’re going to peel back every layer of this pain together.

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1) The first thing you feel isn’t sadness — it’s “I don’t want to believe this.”

That line you wrote:

“Even now I’m thinking, am I dreaming? Is this really happening?”

That right there is the most painful point of being cheated on again and again.
It’s not the exact moment you discover the truth.

It’s the moment when your brain and your heart start fighting each other, asking:

• “How the hell is this even possible?”
• “Did he really do this to me?”
• “So I’m not important to him at all, am I?”
• “Was everything I believed in just an illusion?”

Friend…
It’s not strange at all that you’re in shock.
Not strange at all that you’re speechless.
Not strange at all that you feel like your entire reality collapsed in a single second.

Because you didn’t just “catch him cheating.”
You realized that he never actually stopped.

That is what cuts the deepest.

You didn’t just lose a man.
You lost the belief you once had.
You lost faith.
You lost the future you imagined with him.

This is not a small thing.
It’s a form of loss — like grieving a relationship that just died right in front of you.

And friend…
I can see that you’re furious, wounded, confused,
and underneath that, there’s another deep layer:
the self-blame that says, “I’ve been lying to myself all this time.”

Don’t rush to attack yourself yet.
We’ll talk about that.

But for now, I want you to know…

Everything you’re feeling right now = totally normal.
It’s exactly what happens to someone who “loved for real” and got betrayed.

You are not weak.
You are not overreacting.
You are not being “too dramatic.”

This really does hurt in every possible way.

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2) The truth is… you’re not just dealing with a cheating guy — you’re dealing with someone who “never valued you” to begin with.

From what you wrote, I can see his pattern very clearly…

When he’s out of town,
when he’s away where you can’t reach him,
when no one is watching,
when he’s lonely,
when he wants validation —

he chooses to:

• Download the app
• Look for chats
• Find girls
• Call them
• Flirt
• Show concern
• Give them his time
• Give them his energy
• Say nice things
• Pay attention

But with you — his actual girlfriend,
the one who gave him your heart,
the one who truly loves him —

he doesn’t:

• Call you
• Text you
• Ask if you’re tired
• Ask if you’ve eaten
• Check in on your feelings

This isn’t just cheating.
It’s the behavior of someone who has been emotionally absent for a long time.

You just didn’t want to lose him,
so you didn’t let yourself fully see it.

Friend…
You didn’t just get “cheated on.”
You’ve been silently abandoned for a long time.

He just kept you in the “girlfriend” slot
so you wouldn’t go anywhere.

Men like this aren’t “unlovable.”
They’re people who don’t know how to love anyone properly.

And that has nothing to do with you.
It has everything to do with the emptiness inside him.

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3) Why is he so caring with random strangers… but never with you?

This is the most painful question so many women ask
when they’ve been cheated on repeatedly.

It’s not just:
“Why did he talk to other women?”

It’s:

“Why do they get all the care and concern that I should have gotten?”

And friend…
the truth is harsh, but you need to hear it:

Some men give more attention to women they don’t have to be responsible for.

Why?

• Women on the app = low-commitment relationships
• No responsibilities
• No expectations
• No pressure
• No need to truly show up
• Just say some sweet lines and that’s enough
• He doesn’t have to actually be a good man
• He doesn’t have to keep his promises

So he pours all his “nice voice” and “sweet concern” on outsiders,
but dumps his worst side on you.

Because to him, you’re “home.”

And home is where people feel free
to drop their mask
and show their ugliest behavior.

The cruel part is…

He gives his best side to strangers,
and his worst side to the woman who truly loves him.

That’s not “love.”
That’s selfish familiarity.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

4) You’re not stupid — you’re someone who still had hope.

In your message, I can see very clearly that deep down you’re blaming yourself:

• “I’ve been lying to myself all this time.”
• “I should have known long ago.”
• “I shouldn’t have believed him.”

Friend…
Hope is not stupidity.
Trust is not a crime.
Forgiveness is not weakness.

They are qualities of a kind heart.

And kind-hearted people get hurt the most when they’re betrayed,
because they never imagined the person they love
could hurt them like that.

You loved… because you have a heart.
You trusted… because you’re capable of faith.
You tolerated… because you hoped one day he’d finally see your worth.

None of that is your fault.

It’s not wrong to have hope in a person.
It only becomes painful when that person was never worthy of that hope.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

5) What you did today — breaking up with him — isn’t a defeat. It’s the beginning of “stopping the torture.”

Friend…
You might not realize it yet,
but today is a major day in your life.

It’s not the day you “lost love.”
It’s the day you valued yourself enough to walk away from someone who hurt you over and over.

Leaving someone you love
in order to return to loving yourself
is not easy.

But you did it.

And I want you to be very proud of that.

Because I can see how much you loved him.
Yet today, you chose the hardest thing:

You chose to pick yourself.

Not everyone can do that.

And the ones who can…
they become stronger in ways they never expected.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

6) So what should you do with your heart now?

Let me give it to you point by point,
without sugarcoating,
and without dressing up the truth.

––––––––––

(1) Give yourself permission to “hurt.”

Don’t try to act tough.
Don’t pretend you don’t feel anything.
Don’t push yourself to “move on fast.”

Being cheated on hurts down to the bone.
It tears apart your self-confidence.
It makes you feel like you’re not enough.
It makes you question your own worth.

It’s okay if you cry today.
Or if you’re still crying 10 days from now.
Or if it still hurts 2 months from now.

People who truly loved
will truly hurt.

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(2) Do not go chasing explanations from him.

No explanation will heal this wound.

Because guys like this aren’t driven by “not loving you enough.”
They’re driven by “not knowing how to love anyone at all.”

He can say anything now to dodge responsibility,
and it will only make you feel worse.

Don’t go back asking for clarity.

You already have all the clarity you need:

He chose others, while he already had you.

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(3) Close the door completely.

Delete the app. Delete his chat. Delete his number.
Turn off notifications.
Close every door.

Not because you’re weak.
But because you’re smart enough to know you want to heal.

––––––––––

(4) Don’t measure your worth by the behavior of someone who doesn’t know how to love.

He talks to other girls not because you’re not good enough,
but because he needs constant ego fuel from multiple people.

He’ll be like this with anyone he dates.
It’s not just with you.

He doesn’t stay loyal to anyone
because he’s not even loyal to himself.

––––––––––

(5) Give your time back to your own heart — not to him.

Right now there’s only one job you have:
listen to your own heart.

Not your memories.
Not your old hopes.
Not his old promises.

Listen to the truth that stands in front of you today.

You’re not his lover anymore.
But you can still be your own lover — always.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

7) The most important thing I want you to know… from one real friend to another

Friend…
You did nothing wrong.
You are not less.
You did not “lose” because you weren’t good enough.
You weren’t “replaced.”

He is simply not faithful to anyone — including himself.

Don’t let the actions of someone who doesn’t understand love
define how worthy your heart is.

A person who loves you truly
would never do this to you even once,
let alone “over and over,”
until you’re “used to disappointment.”

You didn’t lose a good man.
You’re getting your freedom back
from a man who gave you more nightmares than dreams.

And I’ll say this very plainly:

The pain you feel today
is the beginning of the best healing you’ll have tomorrow.

You won’t believe me right now.
But give it 6 months,
and you’ll look back and say:

“Damn, I’m so lucky I got out when I did.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

8) And here’s the encouragement I want you to hold on to

Friend…

You’ve already done your best.

And right now,
you don’t need to be strong.
You just need to be honest with your own feelings.

You’re allowed to cry.
You’re allowed to hurt.
You’re allowed to fall apart.
You don’t have to be “the strong one” all the time.

But promise me one thing…

Don’t go back to the same pain again.

Your heart is beautiful, sincere, genuine, and real enough as it is.
Don’t put it back in the hands of someone who never valued it.

You deserve a love that is steady.
A love that doesn’t require you to open apps to catch him.
A love that feels safe.
A love that doesn’t make you constantly afraid.
A love that is kind to your heart —
not one that hurts you every time he goes out of town.

Friend…
today you’re standing on the ruins of your pain.

But not long from now,
you’ll be standing on a new ground that’s stronger than before.

And I’m right here with you through every step ❤️

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