I’m not good at talking to people. How can I get closer to others?

Let’s talk about this:

In one day I probably say fewer than 5 sentences if no one talks to me first.

I’m so quiet that people say it feels awkward being around me.

I’m also a pretty fearful person. I’m scared to talk about other people’s personal stuff.

There were times I tried making a random comment or asking something playfully,
they didn’t answer… so I went quiet and never dared to talk to them again.
I overthink and get scared I’m annoying them.

Thanks in advance for your answer.

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Here’s how I see it : 

My friend… thank you so much for opening up and asking this. 🫶

I really, really get it.
What you’re sharing — “I’m not good at talking, I speak very little, I’m easily scared” —
is actually the reality of so many people in this world.

Most of them just don’t say it out loud.
On the outside they look calm and quiet,
but inside they feel super pressured:

They want someone to talk to.
They want to be closer to people.
They want others to know who they really are.

But when the moment comes, the words just don’t come out.
The mouth freezes.
The heart races.
And everything ends in silence… again.

Today I’m going to talk to you like a real close friend.

Not just giving “tips,”
but slowly helping you understand the inner mechanics of a quiet person:

• Why you are like this
• How you can slowly adjust
• And most importantly —
  how to make other people feel comfortable around you
  even if you still don’t talk very much.

Because sometimes…
your silence has power too.
You just need to learn how to use it at the right moment. ❤️

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🌙 Chapter 1: Being “quiet” doesn’t mean you’re bad at people

First thing: you have to stop treating “talks little” as a flaw.
Because it’s not.

Some quiet people have very deep thoughts.
They’re sensitive to feelings.
And when they do say something — even just one sentence —
it has more weight than what some people say in a whole day.

So don’t label yourself as

“I have a social problem.”

Instead, reframe it to

“I just communicate differently from most people.”

Talkative people build connection with lots of words.
Quiet people build connection with
presence, observation, and warmth.

What you need to practice is not
“talk more,”
but “speak in rhythm with other people’s hearts.”

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☕ Chapter 2: Why do we talk so little and feel so scared with others?

I want you to understand the roots first.
This isn’t “just a personality thing.”
It’s connected to your brain and life experiences.

(1) The quiet brain = high social processing

Before you speak, your brain is doing a lot of checking:

“If I say this, will I sound stupid?”
“Will they be annoyed?”
“What if it’s like last time and they don’t answer?”

This is what we can call an over-monitoring loop.
You’re constantly scanning yourself and the other person at the same time…
until eventually —
you think more than you speak.

The fear isn’t because you’re weak.
It’s because you care too much about other people’s feelings.

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(2) Past experiences of being ignored = brain learns “silence = safe”

You said you’ve tried talking,
they didn’t answer,
so you shut down and never talked to them again.

That’s completely normal.

Our brain has an emotional memory system.
When it faces a similar situation — like trying to talk to someone new —
it immediately warns:

“Don’t say anything.
Remember last time? They didn’t respond.
It hurt. Let’s avoid that.”

So you choose silence to protect yourself from feeling hurt again.

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(3) Fear of rejection (Rejection Sensitivity)

You said you’re afraid they’ll get annoyed.
That’s a classic sign of rejection sensitivity:

You’re very sensitive to being ignored, criticized, or brushed off.

Sometimes people may just be joking casually,
but you receive it much deeper.

Your brain translates it into:

“They probably don’t want to talk to me.”

But in reality…
they’re not thinking half as much as you are.

They might just be busy.
Or not sure how to respond.
Or their mind was somewhere else.

We need to slowly train your brain not to lump every moment together
as “same as that one painful time.”

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💭 Chapter 3: The turning point — from “awkwardly quiet” to “comfortably quiet”

A quiet person becomes nice to be around
when they realize that their silence has value.

Think about this:
When someone really listens to you —
they look into your eyes, give a small smile,
speak slowly but with sincerity —

Doesn’t it feel safer than being with someone who talks non-stop?

That’s your power.

Now let me walk you through 7 practical steps
to help you grow closer to people
even if you’re “not good at talking.”

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🌷 Chapter 4: 7 steps to turn “quiet” into “quiet but lovely to talk to”

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① Start with “eye contact” before words

Did you know that about 80% of emotional comfort in conversation
doesn’t come from the words,
but from eyes, tone, and body language?

If you’re not good with words,
use your eyes and a small smile first.

When someone talks,
look at them gently,
smile just a little at the corner of your mouth,
and nod slowly — like you’re saying:

“I’m listening.”

Just that
can make people feel very comfortable around you,
even if you barely spoke.

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② Use short, soft questions that let them do the talking

If you’re not good at talking,
don’t force yourself to make long speeches.

Instead, ask simple, open questions
that give them space to speak.

For example:

• “Was work tiring today?”
• “What’s the name of that song you were listening to?”
• “Have you tried this before?”

Or if you really can’t think of what to say,
use this magic follow-up:

“What about you?”

Example:

Them: I watched this movie yesterday.
You: Oh, did you like it? Or was it just okay?

You don’t need smooth lines.
You just need to show:

“I’m interested in what you’re saying.”

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③ Use “small sounds of presence”

People think they need a lot of words to connect —
not true.

Sometimes, you just need little sounds
that show you’re there with them:

“Mm.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“Woah.”
“True.”

These tiny sounds keep the conversation alive
and gently dissolve awkward silence
without you needing to talk a lot.

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④ Share small pieces of your own life instead of personal details about them

You said you’re scared of talking about other people’s personal stuff.
That’s actually a good thing —
it means you’re respectful and considerate.

Instead, try sharing small moments from your own day, like:

“This morning a cat just walked right across the street in front of me. So cute.”
“It rained just as I left the house today — felt like a patience test.”

These are light, low-risk, and easy to respond to.
They don’t dig into anyone’s private life,
but they let people feel your personality a little bit more.

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⑤ If they don’t answer… don’t disappear. Smile and gently change the topic.

This is something I really want you to remember. ❤️

When you say something and they don’t answer,
don’t instantly translate it into:

“I’m boring.”
“They don’t like talking to me.”

Instead, try thinking:

“Maybe they just didn’t know what to say at that moment.”

If they go quiet,
give a small smile and move to something neutral like:

“The weather’s been weird lately, hasn’t it?”
or
“I saw a really funny dog video yesterday. I almost choked on my drink.”

By gently shifting the topic,
you’re showing them that

you don’t hold grudges,
you don’t make things heavy,
and you bring soft, positive energy.

That’s a very attractive social skill.

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⑥ Stay in the conversation circle — even if you don’t speak much

Sometimes you don’t need to say anything at all.
Just being there, listening, and smiling is enough.

Quiet people who listen with genuine attention
often become the most beloved in a group.

And when you do say something,
people will listen —
because they know you only speak when it matters.

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⑦ Communicate through small actions

Quiet people often shine the most
through actions instead of words.

For example:

“You mentioned yesterday you wanted to try this coffee place, so I took a photo of the menu for you.”
or
“I brought the whiteboard over here in case you want to jot notes during the meeting.”

These tiny gestures say:

“I notice you. I care.”

That carries way more weight
than a thousand empty “Don’t worry, you got this.”

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🌤️ Chapter 5: Training your heart to be brave enough to “start”

My friend… I know starting a conversation feels scary.

But if you wait until you’re 100% confident,
you’ll never start.

Because fear doesn’t go away before action.
It only shrinks after you step through it.

💡 So here’s a simple trick: the “3-second start rule”

When you want to talk to someone
and your fear kicks in,

count in your head:

“1… 2… 3…”

Then say something. Anything.

For example:

“Did you have a lot of work today?”
“This coffee is actually better than I expected.”

Those 3 seconds of courage
can completely change a relationship.
Because the other person will feel:

“He actually wants to connect with me.”

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💞 Chapter 6: If you want to be closer to someone — use the “3 layers of closeness”

Closeness isn’t built in one conversation.
It comes from layers of trust that build over time.

Think of it like this 👇

Layer 1: Familiarity

Start with small, gentle contact.
You don’t have to talk a lot —
just let them see you in comfortable moments.

Say hi occasionally, smile when you pass,
make small comments about shared situations
(like the weather, work, the bus being late, etc.).

Layer 2: Comfort

Now bring in topics you can both enjoy:
music, movies, food, games, hobbies.

Laughter is the shortcut to comfort.
If you can share a small laugh,
you’ve already stepped into real connection.

Layer 3: Trust

Once they feel safe with you,
they’ll start opening up more deeply.
That’s when you can slowly share more of yourself too.

The bond becomes stronger
without any forced “Let’s be close” talk.

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🌙 Chapter 7: Don’t forget—your silence has value

I want you to carry this sentence with you for life, my friend ❤️

Being quiet doesn’t make you less than anyone.
You just need to learn how to make your silence warm instead of awkward.

Quiet people often:

• listen deeply
• notice details others miss
• care about people’s feelings

These are emotional superpowers
that a lot of smooth talkers still don’t have.

If you learn to use your eyes, your listening,
and your small but sincere words,

you will become the kind of person
people feel peaceful around.

Not noisy.
Not exhausting.
Just… safe.

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🌻 Final note from me

Sometimes, our silence is the most beautiful conversation we offer.
Because it says:

“I’m here, and I’m ready to understand you.”

Don’t try to become a loud talker overnight.

Just slowly become someone who
communicates with heart —
in your own quiet way.

And one day…
you’ll realize you don’t need to talk a lot for people to care about you.
They’ll feel it —
how sincerely you’ve been trying to understand them all along. 🌷

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🧠 Short recap (keep this as a reminder)

What to practice	The goal
1. Use eye contact and a small smile first	Help others feel safe
2. Ask light, non-intrusive questions	Give them space to talk
3. Use small sounds like “mm”, “yeah”	Keep the conversation flowing
4. Share small pieces of your own day	Let them see who you are
5. If they don’t respond, it’s okay	Smile, change topic gently
6. Stay in the group even if you’re quiet	Build the power of presence
7. Communicate through small actions	Give your silence meaning

You don’t have to become a big talker.
The world needs good listeners
just as much as it needs good speakers.

And if you’ve read all the way here…
I’m already sure you are that kind of person. ❤️

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