Does this kind of behavior mean my boyfriend is stingy?

Let’s talk about this:

My boyfriend and I have been together for a very long time. Normally, we like to split our expenses, or sometimes we’re chill about it and just take turns treating each other now and then. He also buys me gifts or treats me on special occasions or birthdays.

But the problem I want to talk about today is this:
Usually I buy monthly app subscriptions like Netflix and similar things, with the intention that I’m buying them for myself. But sometimes when my boyfriend asks if he can use them too, I let him. Over time he’s started using several of my apps — around 2–3 apps now. He does let me use some of his apps too (the ones he pays for, which I don’t really use that much, to be honest).

I really don’t mind letting him use my accounts.
But there were times I hinted that I’d like him to help pay for them a bit. He would dodge it and didn’t really want to pay, because from his perspective, I’d already been paying for them all along before he ever started using them.

But I see those as monthly expenses, so it would be nice to have someone help split them. It would help me save a bit.

When I finally said it directly — that I’d like him to help split the cost since we’re both using them — he still wanted to split in a way where he pays less than I do.

I’ve felt a bit off about it from that very first moment.
He never once offered to help pay on his own.
And when I finally directly asked him, he still wanted to contribute less than me —
even though he has a good job, and his finances are not exactly struggling.

But we’re both at that “building our future” stage of life.
So I feel like he’s a bit too frugal, even with me.
Or maybe he just doesn’t think much about it and doesn’t realize I’d feel bothered.

Honestly, it does make me feel a little hurt.

So I want to ask:

• Am I overthinking this?
• Or is his behavior actually pretty bad?
• Will this affect our future together as a couple?

It’s not that I want someone to spoil me or pay for everything.
And I’m not rigid about having to split every single expense exactly 50–50 either.

I just want him to think about my feelings first sometimes,
instead of waiting until I feel bothered and have to bring it up myself like this.

Money is a sensitive topic for me.
So I’d really like him to be able to realize these things on his own.

That way I’d feel more secure —
that he’s someone I can rely on.

But right now, I feel like our love is worth less than his money.
I’m scared that in the future, when it comes to bigger expenses,
this might turn into a serious problem between us.

---

Here’s how I see it : 

Friend… come here for a second. Sit down right here.

We’re going to talk about this in a long, deep, honest way — like a friend who truly loves you and wants the best for you.

This topic — “money in relationships” — is not small at all.
It’s actually one of the Top 3 reasons couples:

• argue,
• feel insecure,
• and sometimes end up using it as a metric for the future.

And today, you’re not just asking:

“Should he help pay?”

or

“Am I just overthinking this?”

What you’re really asking is…

“Is our love fair?”
“Does he see the value in my effort?”
“If he can’t even think about small things like this, what about the big things in the future?”

And yes… I will answer you about what this means for the future.
But let’s go step by step, friend.

Today, let me walk you through this like we’re “slowly unpacking the layers of the human heart,”
so you can really see what’s going on.

This is going to be long —
because it is important,
and because I genuinely want you to see every angle as deeply as possible,
the way a friend would sit and talk with you all night and still be happy to stay.

---

1) Let’s start with the first truth:

You’re not overthinking… you’re thinking clearly.

A lot of people like to say that small money matters “aren’t worth dwelling on.”

But in reality…

Money = responsibility + emotional safety + intention to take care of each other.

It’s not about “a few dollars here and there.”
It’s about the fundamental habits of a person — and those habits reflect how they think about you, too.

What’s making you feel bothered isn’t the app fee.
It’s this:

• You let him use your apps without hesitation.
• He never once offered to contribute on his own.
• When you finally spoke up directly, he still wanted to pay less than you.
• He has a good income.
• You’re also at a life stage where you’re building your future and watching your expenses.
• These are monthly costs he also benefits from.

That’s why it stings.

Because it makes you wonder…

“Does he value me less than his money?”
“Am I being taken for granted?”
“If he doesn’t think of my feelings in small matters like this, what about the serious matters in the future?”

Those feelings aren’t wrong.

Friend… this isn’t you being dramatic.
This is your self-protective instinct kicking in —
the instinct of someone who wants to build a future with another person.

And people who think about the future
are not “overthinking.”
They’re thinking comprehensively.

---

2) His behavior doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you…

but it does reveal a part of his character you should watch closely.

I’m not going to label him as the bad guy.
Human behavior always has a reason behind it —
even if that reason is subconscious.

The fact that he:

• Uses several of your apps
• Never once offers to help pay before being asked
• Still wants to pay less than you when you bring it up
• Even though his income is good and he’s not struggling

…can fall into three big possibilities:

---

Type 1: He’s “overly frugal” without realizing it.

Some people grow up being taught:

• Everything must be “worth it.”
• Always save.
• Always minimize spending.

Until money becomes their main symbol of safety.

People like this aren’t necessarily greedy.
But they cling tightly to “their own money.”
They aren’t used to sharing it — even with a partner —
unless it’s for special occasions, like holidays or birthdays
(“socially expected giving,” not spontaneous generosity).

So in his mind:

• Using your subscriptions for free = “being smart with money”
• Helping you pay for something you’re “already paying for” = “unnecessary extra cost”
• Letting you use his apps (even though you barely use them) = “fair trade”

The problem is…

People like this don’t naturally think about how the other person feels, unless it’s spelled out very clearly.

And in this case… you did spell it out already.

Yet he still wanted to pay less than you.
That’s a sign that his frugality is starting to spill into selfishness,
to the point that it affects the relationship.

---

Type 2: He sees love as “two separate individuals,” not as “a shared team.”

Not everyone grows up with concepts like:

• “We help each other.”
• “We build a future together.”
• “We can rely on each other.”

Some people are raised with the mindset:

• “Your money is your money.”
• “My money is my money.”
• “You handle your stuff, I handle mine.”

He might not be thinking:

“You’re tired.”
“You feel it’s unfair.”

Because in his inner framework, he might not even have a strong concept of “us.”

He might be unconsciously stuck in:

“You and me (separate),”
not
“Us (together).”

That isn’t a crime.
But in a long-term relationship,
this type of mindset leads to situations where one person keeps asking:

“Are we really a team? Or just two people living side by side?”

This kind of thinking tends to cause friction later — especially around money.

---

Type 3: He’s gotten used to how “overly generous” you are.

This may hurt to hear.
But it needs to be said.

He may not be a “bad person.”
But he might have become comfortable with how much you give.

So comfortable that:

• He no longer sees your effort.
• He thinks what you give is “normal,” not something you choose to give.
• He assumes your generosity is just your default setting — not a sacrifice.

And the less you set boundaries,
the more he believes:

“This is just how she is.
I don’t need to adjust.”

That’s the problem with kindness.

If you never set limits,
the other person will never see the value of what you’re giving.

And now… you’re starting to feel the consequences.

---

3) What you’re feeling = reality. Not “drama.”

Your feelings include:

• Feeling slighted
• Feeling overlooked
• Feeling like he doesn’t consider you
• Feeling like your love is cheaper than the app subscription
• Worrying about future financial conflicts
• Not wanting to always be the one who speaks up first
• Wanting him to offer help on his own sometimes
• Feeling like being “too good” is starting to hurt you a bit

Friend…

Every single one of these feelings is valid.
Not one of them is “too much.”

Because this situation isn’t just about subscriptions.
It’s about your vision of the future.

You’re asking yourself:

“What about a house one day?”
“What about planning a family?”
“What about major life expenses?”
“What if he treats every shared cost in our future like this?”

What you’re doing right now is:

Evaluating his readiness to be a life partner.

That is not overthinking.
That’s exactly how someone who cares about their future should think.

---

4) So is his behavior “too bad”? — Let me answer honestly as a friend.

He’s not full-on toxic.
But his behavior is concerning.

Because there are 3 important red flags:

---

Red Flag 1 — He never thinks of your feelings first on his own.

He knows:

• He uses your apps.
• You’ve been paying for them long before he joined in.
• He benefits from them too.

But he never once said:

• “Let me help pay for that.”
• “Should we split this since I use it too?”
• “I’ll cover this month, okay?”

This shows that he doesn’t naturally see these expenses as “ours”,
only as “yours.”

---

Red Flag 2 — When you finally asked directly, he still wanted to pay less than you.

This is the point where his mindset shows clearly.

If he truly prioritized your feelings, his thinking would be:

“That’s not fair. I’ve been using her apps for a long time.
Let me at least pay equally — or even more — to make it right.”

Instead, his reaction was:

“Let me pay less than you.”

That’s not about “money.”
That’s about priorities.

He chose his own comfort over your sense of fairness and emotional security.

---

Red Flag 3 — He might not truly be thinking about a shared future with you at a deep level.

People who seriously see a future with you tend to think:

“What’s heavy for you is heavy for me.”
“What’s heavy for me is heavy for you.”

But people who aren’t mentally in “team mode” think:

“If you’re already paying for it, then just keep paying.”
“If I can get something free, why not?”

This mindset is dangerous in the long term —
especially with big things like:

• Rent
• Mortgage
• Car payments
• Utilities
• Groceries
• Child-related costs
• Savings
• Insurance
• Wedding expenses
• Family emergencies

If he keeps this mindset into those stages…

This subscription issue will feel tiny compared to what comes later.

If he doesn’t shift his mindset,
you will end up being the one who’s always:

• thinking ahead,
• paying ahead,
• carrying more.

Not because you’re weak —
but because he’s not stepping up.

---

5) Will this affect your future together? — I’ll be honest: yes, if it’s not addressed now.

Yes… if nothing changes,
it will affect your future.

Not because of the money itself,
but because of his mindset around shared responsibility.

Couples who fight about money often fall into this pattern:

1. One person thinks: “What’s yours is yours, what’s mine is mine.”
2. The other thinks: “What’s ours is ours. We’re a team.”
3. They never clarify expectations early on.

Right now, you’re living in exactly that combination.

So if you:

• stay quiet,
• keep suppressing,
• don’t have a clear conversation…

This resentment will quietly build and gnaw at you.

And it will blow up later when something bigger happens, like:

• buying a condo,
• buying a house,
• planning a wedding,
• paying dowry (in cultures that have it),
• discussing savings,
• raising kids,
• paying big medical or family expenses.

By then,
this subscription situation will look like a “preview trailer” of something much bigger.

If he doesn’t adjust his mindset,
you will get more and more exhausted.

You’ll become the one who:

• sees the problems,
• carries the weight,
• makes the sacrifices.

---

6) So what should you do? — Here’s a deeper roadmap from a friend.

I’ll give you 3 steps that can help protect your love
without turning this into a huge fight.

---

Step 1: Talk about your feelings, not the price.

Don’t say:

• “You should help pay.”
• “This isn’t fair.”

Instead, say something like:

“I feel like I’m the only one taking responsibility for this.
It makes me worry that if it were something bigger in the future,
I wouldn’t know if I could rely on you.”

When you frame it like this,
he won’t just hear “money.”
He’ll hear your heart.

---

Step 2: Set “couple rules,” not “roommate rules.”

Good examples of fair rules:

• If we both use it regularly → we split it.
• If I pay and you use it frequently → you help more.
• If you pay and I barely use it → I don’t have to split.
• If usage is mixed → we discuss each one and agree together.

You can say:

“I want to feel like we’re on the same team.
Just helping each other think and share responsibilities
— instead of me always having to ask first.”

---

Step 3: Watch what he does after the talk — not what he says.

If he:

• adjusts,
• offers on his own,
• starts thinking about your side,

then this is someone you can move forward with.
It means he wasn’t “stingy at the core,”
he was just unaware and needed a mirror.

But if he:

• doesn’t adjust,
• stays quiet,
• avoids,
• keeps trying to pay less than you for things he also uses…

Friend…

That’s when you have to seriously ask:

“Does he truly want to build a life with me?
Or does he just want to live his life next to me?”

Those are very different things.

---

7) Summary from a friend who genuinely cares about you

• You’re not overthinking.
  You’re thinking wisely.

• He’s not a monster.
  But he does have habits that could seriously drain you later.

• Yes, this can affect your future together
  — if it’s not addressed.
• If you talk it through and he adjusts → there’s hope.

• If he refuses to adjust → the problem will keep growing with time.

Your love should not be priced lower than a monthly subscription.

In the end, I want to tell you this:

The right person for you
is not the one who spends the most money on you.

It’s the one who:

sees your feelings before he sees his own money.

---

Hashtags

#MoneyAndLove #RelationshipBoundaries #FinancialFairness #CoupleFinances #EmotionalSecurity #BuildingAFutureTogether #NotOverthinking #KnowYourWorth #SharedResponsibility #ModernRelationships #RedFlagsInLove #HealthyCommunication #LoveAndMoneyBalance #YouDeserveBetter